Being Me

Oh...Welcome back

2011-07-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hello pole bruises... I'd forgotten about you....

On Saturday, I started pole classes again. This time around, I'm not trying to take shortcuts - I've signed up for level 1 and 2, then I'm going to work my way back up through all the levels.

Admittedly 2 or 3 levels per term, rather than one at a time, but still...

The timing of these classes is very good for me - Sat am, 9.30 start and they are one right after another. Believe me, that doesn't normally happen. My old teacher, who now owns the studio, probably would have cancelled the level 1 class if I wasn't in it purely because the numbers are quite low, but thankfully, she loves me enough that she let it go ahead.

I can honestly say that I had forgotten just how much fun it is. I remembered it was fun, but I didn't remember - until I was actually there, doing it, that it was this much fun.

Totally worth the bruises.

The 2 instructors I had, I have never met before so they clearly started after I finished. Thankfully, they are both totally awesome - the first one is lovely and the second one is just crazy funny. I hope I get her through a few more levels. Fingers crossed for that one.

With a bit of luck, by the beginning of next term, I will be based in the city for work, which means that I will be able to go to classes in the evening, after work. I might even be able to fit in 3 levels, rather than just 2. I shall have to see how I go.

I do know that there's no way in hell I'm doing the hip hop routine. I think it's level 6 so I'll be skipping level 6 and going straight to 7, because not only was it written by the bitch I can't stand, but as my friend Chirpy says "White girls just can't pop and girl, you're whiter than most"

I know my limitations.

xoxox

Only 11 weeks until Angelina's wedding.

I've taken the week beforehand off work so I can sedate her if required. Hopefully it won't be, but I am prepared, just in case.

It's all rather exciting, really. Having said that, I have now reached a point where I just can't see myself ever doing it.

I'm not too sure how I feel about that.

xoxox

I am one step closer to being debt free.

It's taking longer than I ever thought it would, but I'm getting there. Persistence appears to be the key.

Best. Day. Ever.

2011-06-30T21:53:00.001-07:00

Today, the following arrived:

My new Dior makeup that I had ordered online as you can't buy these particular items in Australia (they only make them for the European market).

My new Scanpan Coppernox saucepans. Hurrah!

2 books that I shipped in from the US as they haven't been released here yet.

PLUS I also got a call saying I'd won a $1000 gift voucher.

I have to admit I am always slightly sceptical of these things, so I will believe it 100% when I'm actually holding it in my hands, but still! If it's true - best. day. ever.

Unless you're counting Monday, when my new Louboutin Zipito's arrived...

It's Been A While

2011-06-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

And for some reason, the post that I typed up in Word won't copy and paste over.

How annoying.

I can't be bothered typing it in full so here's a recap:

For the last 18 months, work has been incredibly stressful. Not knowing what is going to happen is very wearing and I'm really quite over it. Only another 6 months and then I will know for sure. Yippee. (<-Sarcasm)

We need a sarcasm font.

I may need to change my name - I'm not so giggly these days. I'm more Grumpy/ Stressy.

I need to make new friends - all my friends are married with mortgages, little people or both and so are unable to or uninterested in going out.

I don't really want to go out either - it's winter and it's cold! I'd much rather be on the couch under a doona, but that's not how I'm going to meet new people. 'Tis problematic. Someone needs to start a nightclub that has TV screens, lounge suites and doonas, so you can go watch TV in public and say you're socalising, when in fact, you're just watching TV under a doona at someone else's place. And that someone will fetch you hot drinks. And popcorn.

Maybe not popcorn - I took on an unpopped kernel the other night and lost. I had to go to the dentist. He gave me a needle. It was bad. I do have a shiny new filling though, so that's good, right? Oh wait...

New Batteries

2010-10-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

This post isn't as dirty as that titles makes it sound.

Sorry.

What I was referring to, was that I got new batteries in this thing (so to speak). How long they'll last is anyone's guess.

It is at this point I would like to say how totally friggin awesome I am.

I finally got to run my new 5 day training program the other week and it rocked. I am so very happy with it and really quite proud of myself.

My birthday fell on the last day of training and my trainees bought me flowers and Wagon Wheels (yum!), so that was very sweet.

Family dinner that night - chaos as usual but it was tremendous fun and I got some lovely presents.

On the Saturday I flew out to Hamilton Island for FD & VTG's wedding. The wedding itself was beautiful and the reception was awesome. Sometimes receptions are boring, but everyone kicked their shoes off (literally - the bride swapped to Haviana's (sic?) within 30 minutes of the ceremony being over) and partied. We got a great shot of VTG doing the Thriller dance in the middle of a circle of people. Classic.

I have to say that I didn't really get a lot of time to relax, but I did get enough time to decide that I really love Hamilton Island (golf buggies!) and I totally intend to go back there (and drive the golf buggies!) and spend some time at the swim up bar (after driving the golf buggy! ... Drinking beforehand wouldn't be very responsible, would it?!).

I then came home to work for 2 days before flying out to Sydney for MPDA (Miss Pole Dance Aust. for those that aren't in the loop). MILF competed again this year and while she did well, she didn't do as well as she could have - she's had a lot of trouble with injuries this year, which has had a serious impact on her ability to train.

We did, however, get to see Felix perform.....

.....

I have no words.

The woman is FREAK! God, I totally have the biggest girl crush on her, she's amazing. She's so bendy! She reminds of a Gumby figurine - remember them? /shakes head

Anyway, the Sydney trip was great fun and I really enjoyed every moment of the trip. Sadly, it was over far too soon though.

I am now back at work and now that I have finished the overhaul of the domestic, I am about to commence an overhaul of our CCI training....

Here goes nothing....

ARGH

2010-07-23T01:07:00.001-07:00

There is so much happening at work, I don't even know where to start. One thing I CAN tell you is that my head hurts.

Another thing I can tell you is that most of what I am doing is stuff I love, I just wish I had a bit more time to do it in, but unfortunately, it has to happen fast (and of course, accurately).

It's a sad, sad state of affairs when I don't have time to blog at work, in fact, since I first started blogging, this is the first time that's ever happened to me. It kinda sucks.

I get home at night and I am just numb. I am suffering from insomnia becuase my brain isn't switching off, so in the last month & a half, I've been getting between 2 - 3.5 hours of sleep a night (this does not help me during the day).

The rest of the night, I'm awake, thinking about work, making lists of things I need to do, people I need to speak to, stuff I need to check... It's fucking exhausting, I tell you!

If I'm not thinking about work, I'm lying in bed with images - like stills - flipping infront of my mental 'eyes'. It's like watching a movie or you know when they show you a cartoon and flip the pages really fast so it's like it's moving? Well it's kind of like that except all different images flipping one after the other in front of my eyes. Some of the images are work related, some are not, some are recent and some go back to my childhood. It's like my brain is just permanantly wired to overdrive at the moment, so if I'm not thinking about work, I'm just thinking abotu any and everything I can to keep my brain going at lightspeed.

Thankfully, there's not too many hours of the day when I am not thinking about work (ye gods, that's so wrong!) so I don't have to put up with the flipping images too often. They're very disconcerting.

In addition to that, the stress is causing my hair to fall out (again! I only just got that sorted! ARGH!) and I've recently developed acid reflux, again from stress. Delightful. It goes nicely with the heartburn.

I know, I'm a bloody mess. Only a couple more months and then I'll know if it was all worth it. I just have to hang in there for a couple more months...

Apart from that, not too much else is happening - went to Sydney for a couple of days for work. Conferences are exhausting. This was one of the better ones though - some really interesting speakers, I also had to present (eek! It's quite scary presenting to your peers - and your superiors) but that went well, so that was pretty awesome. I was a good girl and didn't go out drinking until all hours with everyone else that was there, so I was probably the only person sitting in the conference room that wasn't in serious pain each day. It was quite gratifying. :-)

Oh! I am back in heels! Only low heels and I don't wear them every day as I don't want to push too hard and injure myself worse / permanantly, but I am in heels! Hurrah!!!!! It's amazing what a difference it makes. My heel height is so tied in to my perception of myself that I am just not 'me' when I'm in flats. I don't care if that's shallow.

Anyway, it's 6.20 and I need to get back to work - I have waaaay too much shit to do before I go home and the longer I spend typing this, the longer I delay my eventual home time!

I'm Not Dead

2010-06-28T00:47:00.001-07:00

Just really friggin busy.

Today we got some bad news at work. I can't talk about it - even here - as it's commercially sensitive (wildly so), but it's not good.

Not insurmountable, just Not. Good.

So that was exciting. Not. We've got 6 to 8 weeks, so needless to say, the next 6 - 8 weeks are going to be intense for both MS & I. Our MOR will be visiting from Sydney once a fortnight to assist and the new girl (who i haven't come up with a nickname for yet) will have to sink or swim because I'm not going to have much time to train her.

I always preferred the sink or swim theory anyway. I hate babying people and I never enjoyed it myself, either.

Outside of work, not much has been happening - I've been trying to sort out what's happening with my move into Angelina's place when she and the boy move into the place they have just bought. That's been causing me a fair bit of stress and I really don't know why - it's not like I don't have enough other things to stress about so it's a waste of perfectly good worrying, really.

I should dedicate all that worrying to something massive, but I suspect I'm doing it this way because I would rather spend all that worry on something that I know is actually going to turn out ok, then I get the pay off of "Ahh, see, it was all ok in the end"... as opposed to getting to the end and going "Oh, the end really was nigh. Shit."

Small victories, my friends. That's what it's all about.

I have no shopping to report - except the pieces of Angelina's birthday presents, which for obvious reasons I can't talk about here. For some reason I thought it would be an awesome idea to buy her 1 present for every year (of her age).

What the hell I was thinking when I came up with this idea, I will never know, but now I have got a hold of the idea, I can't let it go.

WHY I would attempt to buy 20-something presents for a woman who has everything she wants (that is within my price range because I'm sure as hell not paying out her mortgage or buying her a car, which is about the only things I can think of that she really, really wants that she can't just get herself) I do not know. It's like someone attempting to do the same thing for me, although given my current shopping ban - which I am sticking to, thank you very much - that's getting easier by the day. I keep seeing things I want but can't have. I've even stopped looking online because it bloody kills me to see things I want and not buy them.

Sorry, back to Ange (I know it's not all about me but it's my blog, so suck it up).

So yeah, I am slowly getting together ideas for her presents. I will state here though - and Ange, it's ok for you to read this - but if I really do struggle with what else to get to make up the numbers, I'm going to frigging Office Works and buying you a pack of biros. They'll be fancy ones, but they'll be bloody biros purely to make up the numbers.

Actually, I just realised that given your stationery fettish, you'd probably be quite excited about that anyway.

Huh.

Hmm.. so what else is happening? Well my ankle still isn't better - my last physio appt, she nearly had to peel me off the bloody ceiling when she moved my foot a particular way. She then decided to stick acupuncture needles in it which hurt like a bitch going in and an absolute mofo coming out (I still don't understand how they can hurt more coming out than going in. If anyone reading this can explain that to me properly, I would be grateful).

Needless to say, I'm still in flats 99.99999999999999% of the time. The only good thing about that is that everyone at work has stopped giving me shit about it and they are finally offering me sympathy. Bastards.

My brothers 40th birthday party is this weekend, that's quite exciting. Sort of. It will eb good to see my sister and my nieces and it's nice to do the family thing. Not looking forward to the party itself very much because most of their friends annoy me and my sister in laws family are a strange lot.

The week after is the burlesque competition, which a group of us are going along to watch, I believe, so that should be good. Actually, I can't remember if I got tickets for that already. I shall have to check....

3 Years....

2010-06-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Me: It's my 3 year anniversary today.
SB: I thought you started before me?
Me: Why, how long have you been here?
SB: My 3 years was last week.
Me: Huh. Oh well, clearly I didn't!
SB: Yeah.... 3 years.... awesome...
Me: Indeed. You know, I didn't have any grey hair 3 years ago.
SB: Neither did I! I blame children.
Me: *gesturing towards the call centre floor* So do I!!!!

I discovered my first grey hairs the other day. To add insult to injury, there are 4 of them, all in a little clump.

It's a good thing I don't feel old!

Shallow? Yes. Mean? Yes... But True

2010-06-14T03:17:00.000-07:00

It's a really great feeling, when you see a picture of someone you don't like on facebook and they are seriously showing their age.

A mutual friend posted a pic of Belle and she looks like shit. Considering she was all done up, I'm guessing she wasn't meant to look like hell, but she did.

Judging by the texture of her skin, I'm going to guess she's been hitting the drugs fairly hard.

Such a shame.

She's also dyed her hair brown. It doesn't suit her, it just ages her even more.

Sucks to be her.

Crap!

2010-06-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Do I LOOK like a friggin accountant?

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

Oh - and sorry it took me so long to reply to comments on the last post. I'm still really snowed under, just in case you can't guess!

33 Things To Do Before I Turn 33

2010-05-31T00:24:00.000-07:00

So, I finally have my listing. There's a few that I am thinking of swapping out, so I'm not going to post it ...yet... But I figured I might as well get cracking on the ones I can.

To make it easier for me to track, I added a couple of lists on the side - 1 for the restaurants I will go to over the next 16 months and 1 for the cocktails I am planning to consume (I'm clearly tackling the big issues in this list of mine...).

I might end up adding more as I go, or even adding the full list when I finally stop dithering over the few I haven't firmed up on yet.

xoxox

In other news, I am still bloody busy at work. We have our big review on and MS & I have been frantically preparing for that. This is the last review we have with our client before they have to make a decision on staying with us or going to tender when the contract is up later this year, so it's vital that this goes smoothly. No stress there then, clearly.

In addition to that, I am re-writing our training manuals. This is harder than you might think. Insurance is very theory heavy, which tends to make it quite a dry subject and no matter how good a trainer you are, there is only so much you can do with this subject to try to make it enjoyable.

The problem I am having is that most of our clients don't have as big a focus on insurance as this one does, so all of our training programs are designed to be 'hit and run' - we can 'train' (I'm using that word in the broadest sense humanly possible) someone on 5 different products in half a day, but give us 2 days and we've got no fucking clue how to fill in the time.

Well, now my ex-boss has been hired by our client as one of their ASM's and the other ASM also has a tremendous amount of experience and Mr Funny (the Contact Centre manager) has a strong background in insurance as well and they want more training for their staff - they are looking at giving me FOUR (count 'em!!!) days for initial induction training and then I can have them for another whole day at 1 month and another whole day at around 3 months.

Of course, I would see the staff between that time as well, but that's what we are looking at doing with regards to formal, classroom training.

Our training manager in Sydney used to get the shits with me because I didn't follow his manuals, but the reality is, if I followed them, I'd be finished in a day, even if I strung it out as long as possible! I had 2 days to fill in! So I can't even really use those as a guide and even my (personal) old session plans won't help too much because I am doubling my time again and trying to make them less dry and more interactive for the trainees.

In all honesty, it's still not enough time for a subject this complex, but the staff don't really need the level of technical knowledge I would like to impart, given more time, and even if it's not as much time as is ideal for this subject, it's still a MASSIVE increase compared to what we have had in the past.

That's where the post-it notes came in. Incase you were wondering why I was wilfully killing trees.

I think I have thought of everything I need to go through for this stage of planning. I bloody hope so, anyway, as I have started writing up my learning plan outline, which is the first step - then comes the session plan outline, followed by the session plan & guide. After that, I need to create the trainees folders.

So all in all, I am going to be very busy for some time to come. I need to get all this moving very quickly as the sign off process can take forever and I need it all in place before the new lot of recruits come through. I'm also going to be quite pissy if I do all this work and then we lose our jobs because our client goes to tender, however, I'm not going to think about that too much, because it wouldn't really be the worst part of losing our jobs...

xoxox

Apart from work, there really isn't much happening in my life. I get up, go to work, come home. All work and no play makes Giggles a) not very giggly and b) a very dull girl.

Boo to that.

I Felt A Great Disturbance In The Force...

2010-05-26T03:31:00.000-07:00

As if millions of trees suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...

When I start thinking, forests start crying. I'm singlehandly campaigning against them, you see.

What can I say? I'm busy at work.

....

2010-05-18T01:07:00.001-07:00

I need a new job.

Hmmm

2010-05-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

You know you go to a restaurant too much when…

The moment you walk through the door, the waitress immediately turns to check that no one is sitting in ‘your’ table.

A second waitress heads to the bar to get both of your drinks, without even needing to ask what you want.

As you sit down, the first waitress doesn’t bother bringing menus or a notepad to take your order – she just confirms that you’ll be having ‘the usual’

Every time you eat the same thing and the same side is left untouched... so they just stop including it to save you the effort of needing to scrape it to one side, well away from the food that you don’t want contaminated.

When neither you nor the friend you go to this place with (every time) can remember whose turn it is to pay, the waitress can tell you who paid last time.

I think FD & I need to mix it up a little....

Seriously?!

2010-05-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

I know 'they' say that trouble comes in threes, but this is just not cool.

First it was my ankle, then the flu and now, I have woken up this morning with a friggin RASH!

WTF? What the hell is going on with me? I'm bloody falling apart!

xoxox

In slightly less distrubing news, my physio has informed me that I can get back into kitten heels.

In fact, I 'need' to get back into kitten heels in order to assist with my balance.

I love my physio - only she would tell me to wear heels to help with balance, bless her. She's my kind of physio.

I don't actually own any kitten heels though, so I am going to have to buy some. It's actually going to be quite tough - I adhere to the 'skyscraper' school of heels and I regard kitten heels as cheating (I'm wearing heels but not really) so wish me luck with that!

Thank God It’s Monday

2010-05-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

Friday night I was pathetically grateful to get home, pour a glass of wine and pick at antipasto while reading my book.

Saturday I had to get up at about normal time (on a weekend!!! That’s just wrong!) in order to get ready and get to Angelina’s house for a big (half) day of shoe shopping. (Clearly, shoe shopping is important enough for me to give up my weekend sleep in, but very little else qualifies for such sacrifice).

I was moderately impressed with the shoes on offer. Of course, I’m paying off my credit cards at the moment, but if I can somehow justify it to myself, there’s a pair of Dior shoe boots down there with my name all over them. So pretty. Ange bought a pair of red Diors that are seriously hot.

From there it was lunch at Shuck as I needed to try their crab lasagna (very important for comparative purposes re Il Centro’s sand crab lasagna) and I can honestly say that I am with Angelina on this – Il Centro’s sand crab lasagna is much better. Not that I would say no to Shucks lasagna again, but Il Centro’s is better.

A moment of ‘Do we know that person or don’t we?’ on the way to the car (turns out we did… Oh well) and a quick trip back to Brisbane.

From there, it was Kitten’s 6th birthday party (my brother’s daughter). Children (badly behaved ones) scream a lot, have you ever noticed that? There were about 6 kids at the party who need a damn good smack because they were just frigging out of control. Sadly, Kitten was one of them.

My sister in law has no control over that child at all – she is so busy spoiling her and giving her everything she wants (and doing her best to spend as much of my brothers money as she can) that she seems to have forgotten that her primary role to Kitten should in fact be as her parent.

At one point, two of the mothers there were actually going to leave (and take their children with them) as they were so offended at Kittens behavior. It was then that my sister pulled her up and told her that she didn’t care that it was Kittens party, if she did it again, Mel was going to turn Kitten over her knee and smack her bottom in front of everyone.

From there, my sister, her husband and I headed to a friends house – mum & dad took the girls – for the night. Many bottles of champagne, a lot of cocktails, a great deal of coke and a few valium later, I fell into bed (about 4.30am). No sleep at all (in spite of the valium) and then off to my sister in laws fathers 80th birthday party.

On the way there I got a call from my physio (who does pole with me) to say that the Show Pony wasn’t able to make it to the Velvet Follies that night and so did I want her ticket (I had tried to get tickets but they sold out almost immediately). I had to leave the 80th early to run to Chermside to try to put together a costume (the theme was cream/gold/sepia burlesque).

Of course, I got to the shops at 3pm and they shut at 4, I don’t take a ‘normal’ size in corsetry (i.e. 10B, 12C) and I was starting to get very stressed as closing time rolled around. In a momentary flash of genius, I bought a slinky cream slip and raced home, broke out the peach La Perla and threw it all together – turns out I judged right – the slip ended at just the right length that the lace tops of the stockings showed and it was just cut low enough that the lace edging on the bra peeped out the top. Threw my coat over the top, did my makeup and took off to meet the girls.

It ended up being a fantastic night – everyone made so much effort and the audience looked incredible, let alone the performers. We were lucky enough to get great seats and while some acts were obviously better then others, none of them were boring or poorly done.

There were silks performances, lira performances, pole dancing, fan dances, singing, a large champagne glass with a semi naked girl bathing in it while wearing little more then a g-string and a smile as well as the expected burlesque strip tease performances. It was totally memorable and I am very much looking forward to the next one and next time around, I will believe Lena when she says it will sell out quickly!

Of course, by the time that ended and I drove home again, I was exhausted. I am so tired today that I feel ill, but I will just have to manage! Thank goodness I am back at work now so I can relax!

IT Idiots

2010-05-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

Me: Hi, it’s Giggles, I was just trying to call the X branch and it keeps saying that the number is unavailable. I just wanted to check if this was new or do we know if they are having any problems with their phone lines at the moment?
IT Guy: No, no one has reported any issues to us. Just try them again.
Me: ….. I started trying to call them at 8.30am so I’ve been trying for the last 22 minutes and gotten that message every time. It’s not related to the speed dial as I’ve tried both the speed dial and dialing the full numbers.
IT Guy: Well they haven’t contacted us to say there’s a problem.
Me: … Um…. How would they know their phones aren’t working? If they haven’t tried to dial out, they wouldn’t have a clue.
IT Guy: Oh. Ahh, it’ll be ok.
Me: What?
IT Guy: Well you know, sometimes you just have trouble getting through, but it should be fine.
Me: Well, no, it won’t be fine. Phone lines don’t just fix themselves, someone needs to investigate and possibly escalate it to Telstra.
IT Guy: *sighing* Can I just place you on hold for a moment. (Places me on hold for about 30 seconds, then comes back). Yeah, I can’t get through either. Must be something wrong with the line. I guess I can get someone to look into it for you sometime today.
Me: …Are you serious?
IT Guy: Aww, well we're pretty busy at the moment you know.
Me: Umm... I can hear the Pac Man theme music from your computer.
IT Guy: ... (music suddenly stops). Oh, ah, I'll tell IT Girl there's a problem with the phones to X branch.
Me: Right. Thanks for that….

xoxox

I am currently making a list of 33 things to do before I turn 33.

Suggestions welcome.

Back To Work

2010-05-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

It's pretty much 11 days since I have really been in the office - I had a couple of half days (a couple of hours, really) but that's it.

I am now even busier then normal as I try to catch up.

xoxox

When I was a child, I used to get blood noses all the time - and I do mean all the time, at least one a day, usually.

The worst ones were at night, because I would be laying on my back, so the blood would dry like a seal over my nostrils and then back up to fill all my sinuses, so that when I woke in the morning, I would have to break the dried blood and stand with my head over the bathroom sink and let all the blood run out. As a result of that, I learned to breathe through my mouth. Once I stopped getting blood noses so often, I tried to train myself to breathe through my nose, but it was too late - I can draw far more air, more quickly, when I breathe through my mouth then I can when I breathe through my nose, so when I try to breathe through my nose, I panic as I feel like I am not getting enough air.

It is a horrible, horrible feeling, not being able to breathe. My asthma is playing up terribly and because I am not getting enough oxygen, I keep yawning, but when I go to yawn, I can't yawn properly as I can't draw the air I need to, which sets me off again.

I had 5 asthma attacks just this morning and have had another 2 since lunch.

So long as I concentrate on my breathing and control it, it's not too bad, but the moment I forget and start trying to breathe normally, I can't and then I panic and give myself another attack. The controled breathing is probably giving me about as much oxygen as breathing normally through my nose would and I have to constantly remind myself that I am getting enough oxygen and not to panic.

It's actually quite difficult to calm myself down enough to control my breathing when I am mid-attack, far easier to just stay on top of it in the first place, but every time I get involved in what I am currently working on (statistics), I forget.

My asthma isn't normally this bad - most of the time, I have no trouble with it at all and I can go for years without having an attack, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it comes back again.

It's very annoying and scary. Luckily, I had a puffer floating around the bottom of my handbag (best not to ask how long it's been there...) as without it, I don't like to think about how much worse my day would be.

It's been years since I saw a doctor about my asthma, but I am wondering if it might be a good idea to go get it checked out.

xoxox

Physio appt again today - my ankle is now completely better for normal walking, but it's not strong enough for heels yet.

Thankfully, my physio (did I mention we went to school together? And we do pole dancing together?) understands how important it is (to me at least) to get back into heels, so I have a heap of exercises to do to help me get back into them ASAP.

Of course, this means I can now get back into pole again, too. :-)

xoxox

Long Weekend

2010-04-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

My weekend turned out to be very relaxing.

On Friday I stopped by Boarders and bought a couple of hundred dollars worth of books (I wanted to be prepared), got a massage (it was so hard I was tearing up, it was awesome) and then went and checked in.

I was in the spa (champagne and book in hand) within 10 mins of walking through the door. I had a new bubble bath (Philosophy Pink Frosted Layer Cake) so I put a fair bit of that in as I wanted lots of bubbles (and it really does smell like vanilla cake and icing sugar – it’s absolutely fantastic!!!!) interestingly, I forgot about what the spa jets would do to that bubble bath, once they were switched on. Within about 5 minutes, the bubbles were over my head and in serious danger of overflowing the sides. I don’t think I would have been much use if they had – I was too busy sitting there giggling and patting them or blowing them in the air.

Shuddup. I was having fun.

I stayed there until I figured I’d dissolve if I was in there any longer. Wandered over to freestyle and had dessert for dinner (flourless chocolate cake FTW!) then back to the room, watched a chick flick while starting on the second bottle, then refilled the spa using slightly less bubble bath… (Raspberry Mousse bubble bath this time).

When I got out, I went to bed and read until about 4am.

Checked out the next day and drove down to Byron. Well, that was the plan, anyway… I ended up stopping off at Pac fair and hitting the Pleasure State sale at Myer. Hurrah for new lingerie!

Got back in the car and continued to Byron. Unfortunately, everywhere down there was booked out, so I had dinner and then drove back to the coast. Stayed at Versace overnight (more champers, more reading, more spa time) and then headed back home.

I came to several conclusions during this time to myself (and not just that I really need to earn more money then I do).

1. I don’t know where I will be or what I will be doing, but I will no longer be doing this job in 12 mths time.

Unless something weird happens, I won’t be doing this. I no longer love what I do. I still love this industry, but I no longer want to do my role. I’ve lost my drive and I am sick of it. So yes, within 12 months, I don’t intend to still be doing it. Suggestions welcome.

2. I’ve spent a lot of time fighting.

Fighting myself, my nature, people around me, to be in control – I’m always trying to make things or people be other then what they are.

I really need to try a little more acceptance.

3. I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to protect myself (may or may not be linked to the fighting thing)

The funny thing is that a lot of the time, all I’ve ended up doing is hurting myself… possibly more then the original hurt I was trying to avoid.

I believe that is called irony.

All in all, I would count the weekend a win. I read all my books, I came home with 3 things to chew over and I didn't have to speak to anyone (beyond the bare minimum) at all for about 3 days.

Oh and then I got sick. I’ve been knocked out all week with a stupid flu virus and wishing for death.

Yes, an actual flu, not one of those really bad colds where people whine about how they have the flu but you know they don’t because they’re still friggin standing. I was flat out dragging myself for a shower every day (no matter how sick I am, I have to have 2 showers a day, no exceptions) and I actually had to sit while I was in the shower, but I was clean, damnit.

Just Not Feeling The Love

2010-04-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

Lately, I haven't been feeling the love.

I really don't have anything to say and even when I do, for some reason the words just don't come the way I want them to.

I'm seriously stressed with work - MS & I are coming under increasing pressure from Head Office and from our client as well. We're caught betwixt the upper and nether mill stones with nary an escape route in sight.

Sales are falling, retention is a major issue and the only thing increasing is claims... Not a good thing at all.... In addition, this account is up for review at the end of the year and we can't lose it or MS & I are out of a job.

Outside of work, I've lost my focus - I'm finding it impossible to focus on the things I need to be doing for myself and am slipping back into bad habits. It's easy to say that it's because I'm stressed so not to worry, but stressed or no, I shouldn't be dropping the ball like I am.

On the plus side, my ankle is getting better. This is a bonus and I am very happy that I am almost walking normally (even if still in flat shoes).

Tomorrow I have booked in to a hotel in the city - I am going to turn my phone off and then take the day/night to read, relax, soak in a spa, drink champers and somewhere along the line, think about where I am at and what I am doing.

Hopefully, it will help.

And A Little Bit Of Funny

2010-04-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

Email chain....

From: Ferret
To: Giggles
CC: Bird

Hi Giggles, guess what?

I had a dream last night that you were pregnant with a little boy and you didn't tell us! Bitch!

From: Bird
To: Ferret & Giggles

Jaysus woman, be careful! You know about Ferret and her frigging dreams, they always come true. Use a condom!

Why wouldn't you tell us? What did we do?!

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

1. I can't possibly be pregnant. Chance, however, would be a fine thing.
2. If I didn't tell you, it would only be because I would be too busy begging my doctor to place me in a medically induced coma.
3. You're both miffed because I didn't tell you - IN A DREAM - that I was pregnant? What the fuck is wrong with you?

From: Ferret
To: Bird & Giggles

I thought you always said you were going to take heroin?

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

Apparently doctors frown on that sort of thing.

From: Bird
To: Giggles & Ferret

I told you when I was pregnant. :-(

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

Oh ffs!

From: Ferret
To: Bird & Giggles

I know Bird, I told both of you when I was pregnant but whatever.

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

... You didn't even know you were pregant until you were 5 months in you dozy cow! Don't you start that shit!!

From: Ferret
To: Bird & Giggles

Actually I was closer to 6...

But I still told you!!!!!!!!!

From: Bird
To: Ferret & Giggles

She doesn't even remember how far along you were when you told us? You're a bad friend, Giggles!

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

I just realised why I didn't tell either of you I was pregnant.

From: Bird
To: Giggles & Ferret

Why?

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

BECAUSE YOU BOTH DRIVE ME BLOODY MENTAL AND PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE STRESSED OUT!

From: Ferret
To: Giggles & Bird

OMG, you're pregnant?!?!? I can't believe you didn't tell us!!!!!!! Why wouldn't you tell us something like that?

From: Bird
To: Giggles & Ferret

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

From: Giggles
To: Bird & Ferret

Oh fuck off, both of you.

I give up!

From: Ferret
To: Bird & Giggles

That was fun, can we do that again?

Mad & Sad

2010-04-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeah, I know.

Xoxox

A while ago I bought some baby clothes for a friend who had just had a baby from David Jones. As the baby has grown since then, I needed to take them back last week to swap them over for a larger size. I had my receipt and the main part of the tag was still attached as I had only pulled off the bar code, so I was all good to go.

When I got there, the sales lady had clearly had a bad day – she acted like it was a huge imposition for me to want her to exchange the items and made it perfectly clear that she was not happy about it. She wandered off to the racks to find the same items, muttering to herself all the while. I looked at her a little strangely. She said that she couldn’t refund without the bar code and I started to say ‘Wow, I am sure I’m not the only person who removes barcodes, so that’s a really stupid system because it must make it difficult for you guys to process refunds"

Right as I got to saying ‘stupid system’ she interrupted me – never a good idea – and said ‘Now before you go getting angry!’
I looked at her… ‘I wasn’t getting angry"
‘Yes you were!"
"No, I wasn’t, until you just said that – I think I of all people would know if I was getting angry and had you let me finish, what I was going to say was that it was a stupid system because it makes it difficult for you – I have my receipt, so no matter what, I’m going to get a refund, so I really don’t give a shit, but it does make it hard for you and I was sympathizing with you. Now? Not so much"

She continued to give me attitude until I demanded to speak to a supervisor.

"I am the supervisor"
"Well clearly you aren’t the store manager, so someone supervises you and I want to speak to them"

She stormed off.

Nearly HALF AN HOUR later, she came back with some guy in tow. (Clearly, she was hoping I would get the shits and leave). I started to explain to him what had happened, while she stood by and interrupted and tried to argue with me. Eventually I just turned around and looked at her ‘Why are you still speaking to me? I have no interest in hearing anything that you have to say! You have displayed a complete lack of understanding of the basics of customer service, you have been rude, unhelpful and downright offensive. You obviously got out of bed with a raging need to be unhelpful today so get away from me. Don’t speak to me, don’t even look at me. Your work ethic is appalling"

I finished speaking to the supervisor and left. I was still so angry by the time I got home, that I actually sat down and wrote an email (something I never do!) to complain about her and sent it off.

Xoxox

Sporty Solicitor flies out this morning – in fact, as I post this, she should be sitting on the plane, preparing for takeoff. It’s very distressing.

Fortunately, we did manage to catch up one last time before she left and we went to lunch at Il Centro as she had never had their sandcrab lasagne.

Mmmmm, snadcrab lasagne! Nom nom nom….

We sat outside and watched the people walk past, while we recapped the last few years (including a nice big bitch session about Stripper Turned Prostitute), ate wonderful food and sipped crisp white wine.

There are worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

When we finally decided it was time to go, we stood where we parted directions and talked for another half an hour. Five times we hugged each other and went to leave, five times, we kept talking. On the sixth attempt, we finally said goodbye and separated.

The only thing that makes this better is that I am aiming to get over to Japan next April for Cherry Blossom season, so we will be able to catch up then. I do hope it all works out for her – it’s such a massive opportunity and I am sure she will do well.

Xoxox

Hi!

2010-04-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

I know, I know – I’m a lazy blogger. Actually, it’s not just that I’ve been lazy, it’s also that I’ve been busy as fuck and really quite grumpy (and if you don’t have anything nice to say…).

I am so over work that I’m tempted to quit my job and go live in Byron.

Pro’s:
Will get awesome tan.
Will have lots of time to give myself mani’s & pedi’s.
Will have lots of time to read.
Will be able to eat Byron Bay organic donuts (YUM!) anytime I want.
Will lose weight living on nothing other than 2 minute noodles and organic donuts.
Will not have to spend all day being nice to people with about as much higher brain function as a prawn (dead).

Cons:
Will burn a LOT until I build up a tan again
Will then die early from skin cancer
Will not be able to afford to buy new nail polishes for mani’s & pedi’s.
Will not be able to afford to buy a new book each day – may have to join a library and touch books others have used / read while on the toilet etc.
Will not be able to afford to eat anything other then 2 minute noodles and organic donuts.
May have to live in a commune.
What if someone in the commune gets nits? (Crap, now my head is itchy!)
May not be allowed to wear high heels in the commune, in fact, may not be allowed to wear shoes at all.
Will have to stop waxing & shaving in addition to starting to use henna hair dyes
Will have to find a drug dealer who can be (almost) trusted.
Am not a huge fan of pot.
May have difficulty making friends.
I hate sand.

I don’t think this is going to work – I may just have to suck it up and continue here.

Xoxox

I have the most terrible urge to shop at the moment. I’m fighting it as best I can, but I really just want to go buy something fabulous and terribly expensive.

This ‘being good’ business is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Xoxox

There’s been a run of grumpy posts over the last couple of weeks, so I thought it was time for some happy.

Umm…

Huh. Let’s see…..

I bought a new moisturiser that smells really good?

Xoxox

Oh! I know! My ankle is starting to get better - I am almost walking normally (Yay!), although I am still in flats (Boo!). One of the girls I do pole with happens to be someone I went to school with and fortunately, she is a physio and is based 5 minutes from my office, so that's been very handy - I have my physio appt and then we have lunch.

It's amazing how much better it feels after each visit!

xoxox

I recently signed up for twitter. I have decided that I don’t like facebook – it takes too much time. I don’t want to play mafia wars and Farmville – the whole idea bores the crap out of me. Twitter looks like it’s short, sweet and too the point – the status updates without the crappy applications.

I’ll see, it may become too much like hard work, too.

Hurrah For Short Weeks!

2010-03-31T00:02:00.000-07:00

It’s a very short week for me – I asked MS again the other day and he finally came back with an answer re Thursday – I am actually taking the whole day off now, which is rather exciting.

xoxox

I will be leaving after him tonight… I’m thinking about playing an April Fools Day joke on him, but as I only have limited time, I can’t grow alfalfa all over his office (sadly). Neither can I reach to the ceiling in his office, which rules out post it notes over everything up to the ceiling.
I may have to get FD in on this.

xoxox

‘Chomp’ bars may just be the greatest chocolate bar ever made. EVER. MADE. I tell you. I remember they used to do them in mint, raspberry and caramel, but these days I only ever see the caramel ones around. Ahh the memories… Nom nom nom...

xoxox

Have a fantastic Easter - I am off to spend the next few days on a boat, drinking champers and being waited on (well, I can't get around as easily as everyone else now, can I?) in between swimming if the water is warm enough.

Can't. Wait.

xoxox

Pissed At The World

2010-03-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

I’m angry today. I don’t quite know why – I was in a pretty good mood when I woke up this morning but I think it happened when I made the mistake of thinking on the way to work.

Generally, I try to avoid thinking on the way to work – you know, beyond what is required to drive etc. But Today, I made the mistake of thinking about everything that’s going on and now I’m pissed.

38.5 hours – that’s how many hours of admin work I need to do per week.

25 hours – that’s how many hours of training I need / am supposed to do per week.

37.5 hours – that’s how many hours I get paid for per week.

0 hours – that’s how many hours of overtime I get paid for.

Now, I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t add up.

I’m pissed because I had a schedule for the training I was planning to do this month, I had discussed it with the team leaders and it was all set to go ahead. After 2 and a half solid weeks of nagging, FD finally scheduled the first part for me yesterday – it’s going to happen next week. On the 30th. After 2 and a half solid weeks of nagging, I still haven’t managed to get him to schedule the second part of what I was planning to do and I am beginning to think it’s never going to happen. The most frustrating part of this is that it's not an issue of call volumes - he's just been busy with other stuff and too lazy to take the 5 minutes it requires to schedule this stuff for me.

This pisses me off because the team leaders don’t see that I haven’t been able to get the time scheduled – all they see is that I didn’t do what I said I would, so that’s the feedback that they give to Mr Funny and that’s the feedback he gives to MS who then has a go at me because I didn’t do what I said I would. In this job 'reality' consists of 90% perception and 10% actions.

I’m pissed because it’s going to be at least 12 – 18 months before head office is going to let us put someone else on and even that will be dependant upon our winning at least 1 of the 2 new accounts that we are going after. Of course, if we win the account (s) then our work load will increase as well, so we won’t really be gaining anything.

I’m pissed because of the 38.5 hours of admin work I am expected to get through per week, at least 20 hours of that is work that could be automated by upgrading the system (which we have even offered to pay for and we have been trying to get our client to do it for the last 3 years) or should not be done by us at all (realistically, I should not have access to their general ledgers, I should not be telling them how much they need to pay us, they should be doing that) and we can’t push that work back on them because our contract is up for renewal at the end of the year and so now is not the time to start to make those kinds of demands, which means that I am stuck with it for at least the next 12 – 18 months (see also: the previous reason I am pissed re staffing).

I’m pissed because this is actually a very profitable account for us, so it’s not like we can’t actually afford to cover the cost of another staff member, it’s head office being cunts in conjunction with not having the faintest clue what the fuck we do, that is behind it.

I’m really pissed with MS over the Easter holiday issue – I want to leave early so I can go out with my sister on the boat for the break, but I told her I would have to double check with MS before I could lock it in. When I spoke to him about it, MS said that he didn’t actually have plans, but because I had decided to check with him first, he was going to take advantage of it and see if his wife wanted to go away for Easter. I asked if he could let me know the next day as I need to get back to my sister ASAP. I’m still waiting, a week later for a response, in spite of the fact that I have been asking him every day. I don’t think it’s possible to convey quite how angry I am over this. Particularly given that he knows my sisters birthday falls during that weekend so if I can’t get away early, I can’t spend her birthday with her. (We are planning to sail way down the coast).

And to add that special something, today is casual day and I forgot.

Fuck the world.

BAH

2010-03-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get a bit surly about this whole ankle business.

(In other news, I also just sat there staring at the word 'ankle' thinking "Now that doesn't look right" ... does anyone else ever do that? Just pick some random, simple word and convince yourself that it looks wrong so you have to open a word document, type it 10 different ways and spell check them all before finally believing you got it right the first time? 'Tis very annoying. ... Shit... now I have to spell check it again because if I DID spell it wrong after all that, I would feel like a complete tool.)

Umm..

Right, so, yes, I am getting very over it. Everyone at work thinks it's hilarious, of course. That I of all people would be restricted to flats and have to hobble around slowly for christ knows how long. The fact that I normally half run everywhere around the office in heels makes the contrast all the greater and therefore, that much more amusing. Apparently.

Bastards.

I was walking (hobbling) down the hallway yesterday afternoon, grumbling to myself about it when the Marketing Manager came out of their section, took one look at me and started laughing.

I didn't even have time to become paranoid that I had something on my face or had forgotten to put my skirt on or something before he said "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh, but it's just so funny!" before collapsing in paroxysms of laughter.

It seems that no matter how much you wish someone would fall over and seriously injure themselves while laughing at you, it doesn't work.

Humph.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

2010-03-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

I really hate having to come up with my KPI’s & goals for the next year. I especially hate it when I have been given 4 hours notice.

Xoxox

My ankle still hurts.

According to the doctor, I can't wear heels for at least a month, possibly longer. I only have 3 pairs of flats! How the hell is that going to work?!

Xoxox

My reconciliation was out this week by $4339.60.

I worked out why.

I didn't even swear very much.

I am so proud of myself right now.

Xoxox

My sisters birthday is coming up and I am having trouble thinking of something to buy her.

What do you buy someone who has everything they want?

Maybe I should buy her a budget. The trouble is, even if she stuck to it, I doubt her husband would.

I think I’m still in a little shock at how much it costs them to live. If our parents knew the true total of money they go through each year, they would absolutely have a fit. As it is, they literally know less than half of it and they are furious.

I’m still just trying to work out where it all goes.

Xoxox

This morning our underwriters sent out a notice that there is currently an embargo on all policies / upgrades in certain areas of Qld (i.e. the ones under threat of cyclone).

I forwarded this to the frontline.

MS just took a call from one of the staff wondering if it was ok to write a new motor vehicle policy for a customer who had called for one.

The customer lives in Adelaide.

‘Oh yes’ she said to MS "I was just wondering if it’s ok to write the policy seeing as we’ve got a total embargo in Queensland’
"Ok’ said MS ‘But the embargo is only on certain areas of Queensland and regardless, the customer lives in Adelaide’
‘Yeah, so I just wasn’t sure if it was ok to take out the policy, considering the embargo’
‘But the customer lives in Adelaide’
‘Yeah, so is it ok?’
‘….. Ummm, yes….’
‘Oh wow, I’m glad I called to check because I nearly told her no. Thanks for that!’

.....

Thank GOD I was away from my desk when that call came through, because my head nearly exploded just listening to it, Christ knows what would have happened had I actually needed to take the call.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

You can also shoot it and put it out of it’s misery.

Because One Injury Last Week Wasn’t Enough

2010-03-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday night was Sporty Solicitors farewell party (she had it early as her departure date still isn’t 100% set) and it was a really good night. The pole girls were out in force and in fine form while a few people from gymnastics / parkour came along as well.

I was sitting chatting to one of the guys from parkour and somehow we got onto the topic of computer games and I mentioned that I’d been clean for about 8 months now (from WoW) and he said something about the fact that he played, too. I asked what server (he played on my old server), I asked what guild (he is in my old guild), I asked his screen name… Turns out we used to raid together several times a week. It was quite amusing.

After the bar called last drinks, we headed back to Teach’s house for a few more drinks and some games. I don’t remember what time we left, but it was early morning.

Back to CAAB’s house for a few hours sleep – sadly, not nearly as many as I would have liked – and then we were up and heading to Sporty Solicitors house for breakfast and a swim at a ridiculously early hour.

She came downstairs to let us in and head to the pool, behind her came Parkour WoW guy. It seems that goodbyes the morning after don’t get easier with an audience. We apologized to her for cutting her night short.

As we were walking to the pool area, I slipped on the stairs. This time round, I couldn’t even swear because I was just having trouble breathing through the pain. I am seriously pissy about the fact that I went out on Saturday night in 6 inch heels, got maggoty drunk and didn’t hurt myself at all, but walking down some steps to the pool the next morning (and I was actually sober by then) in flat shoes, I slipped on the stairs and did my ankle in. How is this fair?

I would like to point out though, that this does justify my mistrust of flat shoes, it would never have happened had I been wearing heels, I'm sure.

I haven’t been to a doctor yet, but MS is insisting I go sometime today. Considering I can barely walk, he may have a point.

I will say that I have never wished for an automatic car quite so much as I did when driving to work this morning (it’s really hard driving a manual when your left foot is the only one that you can really use properly!) and it hurts like hell. I am also a bit stressed as to how long this is going to put me off pole. It better not be too long!!!

OW!

2010-03-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

Last night at pole, I managed to take a chunk out of one of my knuckles. There was frigging blood everywhere as I was jumping round swearing and clutching at my finger.

As luck would have it, it was my index finger, you know, the one you probably bend more then any other finger on your hand? It's about a centimeter long and nearly half a centimeter deep and it hurt like a hell.

At least, it hurt like hell until Dainty Doll dropped what felt like fucking battery acid (she assures me it was antiseptic) on it and then it hurt like a motherfucker.

Apparently since the Crazy Russian and I stopped pole there's been a lot less swearing in the studio, so anyone who wasn't looking when they finally got me to stand still long enough to look at it was certainly looking by the time I wound down.

Some of them were even laughing.

Bitches.

Have you ever tried washing your hair with only one hand? No? Try it.

Getting it wet freaks me out (it hurts!) so I am trying to avoid that right now and let me tell you, you don't know what confusion is until you're standing in a shower needing to wash under your arms and you only have one hand that you are prepared to get wet. You need to be a damn sight more flexible then I am to do that. I got there though, that's the main thing.

My teacher this term is a different girl again to last time (thank GOD! Miss Perky freaks me the fuck out. NO ONE is that happy all the time, I never know if I should bitch slap her or hide in case today is the day she snaps and kills us all). But yes, this time round is a girl who I shall call 'Cute As A Button' (or CAAB, for short).

CAAB started when I was in showtime and she is just adorable. She reminds me of a little doll - she's fairly short and quite small, she has the most beautiful skin I have seen in god knows how long (it's creamy and it's perfect, the cow), big blue eyes and dark blonde, satiny hair. She really is cute as all get out and she is just a really nice girl.

CAAB was telling me last night how, when she found out that she was going to be teaching me she totally freaked out because she didn't think she could do it (I used to help her a lot when she started). Teach told me later that CAAB's exact words to Teach were 'I can't teach Giggle Worthy! She's awesome!' I found that quite amusing.

Stupid Blogger

2010-03-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

With this new format, I can't work out how to delete comments, so whoever is leaving those stupid spam links is really pissing me off. I have to disable comments to get rid of them.

Ass clowns.

xoxox

In other news though, I forgot to say this yesterday - actually, that's a lie, I didn't have time but it's still relevant today - hurrah for new underwear!

I bought 3 new sets on the weekend, which was fun. Not so fun is the reason for it - my boobs are getting bigger. Like I need that.

Can I say how frustrating bra shopping is when you are not a 'normal' size? Once I used to have to drive all over the place looking for 10DD's and that was incredibly frustrating. I once even had a sales lady tell me that they never ordered many in that size because 'they just sell too quickly' ... I was a little cranky that day, I think, because I distinctly remember looking at her and telling her she was a stupid woman and walking out of the store. Moron.

Now I'm shopping for E's and it is even more annoying. When it comes to lingerie, I don't do 'ordinary'. I want silk, I want lace, I want pretty as well as comfortable and I'm not prepared to compromise. I refuse to wear anything that has even vague 'grandma' connotations and for my size boobs, that rules out most bras.

Thank Jebus (for FSM, Ange) for Pleasure State. They've got a range that is purely for women with bigger boobs and I heart it much. Cheap? Not really, but it is very pretty. :-)

Even more amazing, it's comfortable. Bless them.

xoxox

Yesterday we had one of the other CSM's up from Sydney. She's leading the project to get our reporting changed so she needed to see what we do (each site does things differently and it's all very manual).

We had lunch at Mecca Bah, which was - as always - good and then got to talking about the account itself and other things that we do that really, should be done by them and not us.

After she left to fly back home, MS had a meltdown.

I know that I am not the only one that has been struggling with the changes, but where I have come out the other side and am now feeling on top of (mostly) everything and generally feeling quite confident, MS is still feeling isolated.

It's not easy being located so far from everyone else. Always before, we had 3 or 4 other people who were in the same situation and who we could fall back on, we didn't feel the distance so much because we had such a good team. Now there is only 2 of us and we need more from those people in Sydney, so we feel the distance more.

It doesn't help that head office refuse to recognise how often they leave us out - emails that are supposed to be sent company wide only go to head office, emails that are supposed to go only to head office (after work drinks, invitations to social soccer, etc) go company wide. They create powerpoint presentations for big meetings that we have to dial in on and then don't send us a copy, so we can't see what everyone is talking about or laughing at and the list goes on.

For MS though, it's more then that. When it came down to just the two of us, I freaked - not just because of the workload, but because with only 2 of us, it meant a big step up for me and I really wasn't sure I was ready for it. I'm ok now, but MS is still feeling uncertain.

It's very difficult for him to ask for help and I know he's been busy helping me, but I never realised that he was struggling quite so much as he is. When he found out our boss might be leaving, it was 2 days before our boss went on his month long holiday. So he pretty much had to fly solo for that month, then our boss came back and within 2 days it was confirmed that he would be leaving and they started hand over, that month though, really wasn't enough. It was spent rushing through and trying to impart 6 years of relationship history and where to find things, all of which was certainly needed, but it didn't meet all MS's needs.

By yesterday afternoon, MS was pretty much ready to hand in his resignation. The reality is that I can't really help him that much with this. I can listen, I can offer my perspective, I can help as much as I am able, but I have no account management experience to draw on.

Our new boss (Top Gun) has been incredibly supportive but there is only so much he can do as he has quite a few other people to manage as well as all the other parts of his role. I did manage to get MS to agree to call Mr WA and speak to him. Mr WA has a great deal of experience which would make him a very good mentor for MS and I know he will agree to help out and act as a sounding board when needed.

Now I just have to keep nagging MS until he actually calls him.

xoxox

Is it just me or has Brisbane traffic gotten worse in the last few months?

And why can none of these people actually fucking drive?!

xoxox

VTG called me on Saturday to ask if I wanted to go to sexpo with her and FD, I was actually about to head down the coast to buy Sporty Solicitors farewell present, so I suggested she come with and then we could all head to sexpo.

Sadly for FD, after a hard day of shopping (and buying lingerie, clearly), VTG and I were too exhausted to even think about traipsing around looking at sex toys, so we bailed on him.

The best moment though, happened before we even left. I was standing in the bathroom door, talking to VTG while she finished her hair, when FD came up behind me and poked me in the ribs.. "Don't let her spend any money" he said.

VTG and I both turned around and looked at him strangely.

"I'm serious" he said.

VTG and I turned around and looked at each other, then back at him.

"Umm.. you do realise who you're talking to, right? I mean, you've known me for more then 5 minutes?"

VTG laughed.

"Because seriously dude, that's like the blind leading the blind, I can't believe you said that with a straight face"

No, of course I didn't stop her shopping. Der.

I'm not sure if he's forgiven me yet.

Hmmm

2010-03-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

I was half asleep at my desk when the phone rang at 8.31am with a minor crisis.

The good news is, it a) woke me up and b) got it out of the way early (only 1 minor crisis allowed per day, them's the rules).

xoxox

I have a weekend of nothing ahead of me. I'm quite looking forward to it.

Well, except dropping in to see VBM tonight, possibly driving to the Gold Coast to pick up Sporty Solicitors farewell present tomorrow and pole practice on Sunday.

So, almost nothing.

xoxox

Oh Dear

2010-03-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

I think Ange may end up revoking friendship for 2010 after reading this...

I have a Hannah Montana song stuck in my head.

It's called 'Butterfly Fly Away' and while it won't win any awards...

You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We've been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away

Believe me when I say that you don't know what cute is until you've listened to a 6 and 8 year old sing that song (and they get shitty if you don't join in with them - I was in big trouble until I managed to pick up the melodic line and the words for the chorus!).

But yes, now I have it stuck in my head.

Miley has a lot to answer for.

However, one of my special memories from the weekend, was the moment I jumped out at my sister, singing 'The Climb' (thank you again to Miley and my nieces for playing that song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and-) into a hairbrush.

My sister literally fell over laughing.

My brother in law handed me another drink.

My sister then suggested that the girls play a different CD for a while as Aunty was 'clearly losing it'

LFMF & Other Stuff

2010-02-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

I should really have 3 day weekends more often.

xoxox

It rained almost all weekend, but we still went out on the boat. The girls had previously damaged most of the wet weather shields, but if you've ever been trapped in a small space with an 8 & a 6 yr old, you'll understand why my sister and I chose to sit out the back and get rained on while drinking, rather then staying inside where it was warm and (almost) dry... It was still very fun though. :-)

xoxox

Learn From My Fail:

When someone says to you 'Hey, check out this blue waffle!' if you have never heard the term before and therefore do not know what a blue waffle is, don't look. Ask what it is first and then decide if you want to see that shit.

What has been seen can never been unseen and I am still feeling traumatised and ill.

Where is booze when I need it?

Short Week

2010-02-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

I have tomorrow off! Yay! I'm heading down the coast and my sister & I are going to have a girls day, which we are both looking forward to. It's quite difficult for us to get time together (just the 2 of us) these days and we both miss it.

Hopefully the wind will settle down and the rain will clear, because if it does, then we're all going to go out on the boat for the weekend, which should be good.

xoxox

If there is one thing that really gets me, it's those chain emails.

"Send this to everyone you know and the Red Cross will give 10 cents for each person who reads it!"

"Bill Gates is giving away money / free computers / blow jobs, quick, send it on!"

"Send this to 10 people and your dreams will come true" (Really? I'm going to be magically transformed into a 6 foot multi-millionare supermodel with a shoe wardrobe that would make Imelda Marcos cry with envy who can eat anything at all without any increase to my body fat %? You're sure about that?)

"Send this to everyone on your friends list and a blind girl in Botswana who's chained to a dead elephant will get a bowl of gruel!"

If they're funny I can almost cope, but even when they're funny, don't send them round as if they're real! It shits me. How difficult is it to check online if you're not sure? Exactly, it's not.

Fuck off with your stupid 'save the world one email at a time' chains.

xoxox

Apart from that though, I'm really in quite a good mood today.

Last night was my first class back at pole and this time around I'm doing a spinners class. It was fun but I really am going to need to do a lot of work to get my strength back, I'm a bit sore and a bit bruised this morning, but it's all good.

xoxox

In other news, Sporty Solicitor has just won a promotion at work that is going to send her to Japan.

For 2 - 4 YEARS!

I'm really very upset by this. I know it's great for her and I am really happy for her as it's a massive opportunity, but it will be terrible to see her go. She leaves in April. That's really not that far away.

I'm Getting Too Old For This

2010-02-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the weekend, I drank nearly 2 bottles of vodka.

I can honestly say that I haven't done that in years, nor have I felt so utterly crap in years.

I am clearly getting too old for this.

Interesting Things I Have Discovered Today

2010-02-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

When I google my own name, there is someone else out there who shares it and she is a bondage mistress. Hopefully people can tell the two of us apart.

When you say ‘I don’t give a fuck what you do’ be careful that you really mean that. You can’t, in all conscience, get wildly annoyed at someone who believes what you said.

Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring someone doesn’t make them go away either, they just become more annoying to try to force you to pay attention to them.

A ‘To Do’ list doesn’t help you at all when you can’t find it.

When you take the lid off your hot chocolate to lick all the foamy milk & chocolate dust off the inside, be careful you don’t give yourself a paper-cut (or plastic, as the case may be) on your tongue. They really, REALLY hurt.

When you are wearing ivory from head to toe, it’s a good idea to avoid colored foods. Especially hot chocolate.

Habitually clenching your jaw and grinding your teeth will give you stress fractures through your teeth. Big ones. Then the dentist will have to do something about them. It will take many visits. It is likely to hurt. And you will have to pay a great deal for the privilege of being hurt.

Dentists charge more then bondage mistresses. I think. I’m guessing the level of pain is about the same though.

Wow... Just... Wow.

2010-02-16T16:59:00.000-08:00

On Monday morning, a 13 year old boy, for whatever reason, stabbed another boy and killed him. This raises a few questions for me but the most important is this - at 12 / 13 years of age, how do you reach the point where you pick up a knife? Seriously?

At 12 or 13, I was getting pissy because one of my friends ate all my Tiny Teddies while I was getting a drink of water from the fountain.

Or because Drama Queen was flirting too much with the boy she knew I liked.

Or because I didn’t do my assignment in time and I didn’t have a spare lesson to finish it in before the class it was due, so I was going to have to take a note home to my parents and get yelled at.

None of those situations made me want to stab someone.

(Although at 16 I might have briefly considered maiming Drama Queen, but nothing serious and only because it was a pattern for her, you understand).

Beyond the questions though, I feel for the families. I feel for the parents of both boys. For the parents of the boy who died… I can’t even begin to imagine that. My grandmother once said (when talking about one of her sons) that you never once think you might have to bury your children.

For the parents of the boy that has been accused though… I imagine that, as so many before them, they are simply wondering where they went wrong. How could this have happened? How could they have prevented it? And where do they go from here.

How do you say ‘I’m sorry my son killed your son?’ and how do you forgive it.

I feel for 2 little boys - and they are little boys, you can’t say that 12 and 13 year olds are men, even young ones, they’re children and should be treated as such – who went to school and had their lives destroyed in a heartbeat.

The loss of such a young person in such circumstances is simply too bizarre to contemplate. The mind can’t quite grasp it. How quickly it can happen. One moment your greatest priority is completing an assignment, football practice or talking to a girl and the next… nothing.

For the boy accused of this though, how much worse is the current situation? The loss of Elliott is horrible beyond belief for his family but as awful as it is to say, for him it’s over. No matter his potential, no matter the life he could have lead, it's gone and it it isn't coming back. For the other boy though, it’s just beginning.

For the rest of his life, he will remember Elliott’s face. And so he should. He should always remember the cost of 2 lapses in judgment – 1. To carry a knife and 2. To use it – was the life of a boy with just as much to live for as him.

But how terrifying to find yourself in this situation, where, as with Elliott, one moment your greatest priorities are homework, sport and how to avoid having to unload the dishwasher when you get home tonight and then suddenly to find yourself sitting in a police station answering questions, not being able to go home, not being able to see your friends and all of a sudden, realizing that life as you know it has changed, that ‘sorry’ doesn’t always make everything better and that your parents can’t always fix something that’s gone wrong.

Most of us don’t have to face that moment of realization for quite a few more years and by then, we’re normally old enough, mentally, to cope, to adjust and accept that as we are adults now, we must take responsibility for our actions.

Inspite of the current trend to force children to be adults before they are ready for it, imagine learning that lesson at 13? Imagine coming to that moment of realization with someone’s blood on your hands.

My heart breaks for these boys and their families, because there is no justice in this situation. You can apply the law, certainly, but ‘justice’ and ‘law’ is not always (quite) the same thing.

McQueen is dead, long live McQueen.

2010-02-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

(Was that as fun for you as it was for me?)

Seriously though, it is terribly sad that such a talented man is gone.

I know many people don't see the point in high fashion, but it honestly is art and in fact, it's better then paintings or sculpture, because instead of hanging on a wall or sticking it on a shelf somewhere (and then having to dust the bloody thing), his art is wearable.

I do wonder if they will show his last collection next month and if so, who will direct it. The label was bought out by Gucci but McQueen retained direction. It will also be interesting to see if they close the house or continue with another designer.

Only the good die young.

xoxox

On a much lighter note, I read last weekend that Dita Von Teese (who I adore) has THE best exercise routine in the world.

Imagine this - doing squats, with your arms extended to the side at shoulder height.

Now put an open magnum of champagne in each hand.

And as you straighten out of each squat, take a swig from each bottle (very important - you don't want them to become unbalanced).

Rinse and repeat until you either a) can't stand or b) run out of champagne.

Now that's my kind of exercise routine...

xoxox

Cha Cha Char for dinner this weekend. VTG is turning 29. I'm quite looking forward to it.

xoxox

It's Monday Again?

2010-02-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

Where does the weekend go? (Well, if you're Ange, it goes on frustration, house hunting and lying real estate agents, but that's her story, not mine).

Anyway, today I am feeling intense contempt for Katie Price, aka Jordan. This woman is - imo - the poster girl for everything that is wrong with the current cult of celebrity.

She has no discernable talent or redeeming features, she is fake, classless, trashy and frankly, a bit of a whore.

Neither is she going to win any awards for mother of the year, I mean, who gets the NANNY to tell their child that they have just remarried?!?! FFS. (And while I'm on the topic, her new husband has a face like a smashed crab. Good thing Katie can help him cover that up with makeup at least some of the time when he's getting about as Roxanne!)

I am not a huge Paris Hilton fan by any means (I feel sorry for her more then anything) but I would take Paris any day of the week over Jordan.

xoxox

I lightened my hair by about 3 or 4 shades over the weekend. I haven't decided yet if I am going to take it all the way back to blonde or if I am going to take it to auburn for a while before the blonde, but I am quite enjoying the lighter color. I've had black or very dark brown/violet hair for about 5 or so years at least, so the novelty value is ranking right up there.

xoxox

You know how sometimes it feels like all the pieces are coming together and everything in your life is moving how it's supposed to be?

Well that's how I feel today.

It's quite awesome.

Barbie Is A Bitch

2010-02-03T18:17:00.000-08:00

You know why? Because now she really DOES have everything.

Including 4 pairs of Louboutins.

... Is it really sad that I want one?

Really?

Oh.

.

Random Bites

2010-02-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got a new work computer. It's awesome because it's much faster then the old one (and it doesn't make strange noises) but I hate the mouse. My old mouse was great, this one is as touch as all get out and it's driving me a little nuts.

In addition to that, my email no longer has all my most commonly used email addresses saved... You know when you start typing and they automatically populate? I love that, especially given that I've just realised that half of my external contacts aren't actually saved in my contacts file, so now I have to search back through old emails looking for their email addys. Annoying much?!

However, I now have a massive screen and the IT guy has promised he will order me another one so that I can have 2, for when I am working on spreadsheets, etc. which is very cool and I am quite looking forward to that.

I also have a lot more desk space now, which I don't quite know what to do with. I'm pretty sure it won't take me long to fill it up though.

All in all, I think we'll count the new computer as a positive, inspite of this fucking mouse.

xoxox

I woke up this morning at 3.15 and then couldn't get back to sleep. I am not too tired at the moment but I suspect I'm going to crash at about 3pm.

xoxox

Yesterday I had KFC for lunch (twister FTW!) and then had the most horrible headache all afternoon. I don't think I'll be doing that again.

For dinner last night I chopped up a tomato, half an avocado, a little red onion, crushed some garlic, salt, pepper, squeeze of lemon juice, cress, rocket and fresh prawns. It was totally bloody awesome.

Tonight I'm having salmon and green beans. Can't. Wait.

xoxox

I think I am on top of my workload.

It's moderately surprising and I keep looking around wondering what I've missed (can you tell I am actually quite suspicious of this current feeling? I'm scared to get complacent because the moment I do, the other shoe will drop, I'm sure of it!)

Not that I'm paranoid.

Much.

I suspect my current feeling of wellbeing and goodwill comes from the fact that the reconciliations are all sorted out and the last 3 in a row have balanced perfectly. It's really quite exciting.

xoxox

You know you can buy those clips that turn a 'normal' bra into a racer back style? Yeah, well, don't. They're shit.

Either I'm doing it completely wrong (possible, I suppose but seriously, how fucking hard can it be?) or they just don't work. I discovered that this morning when I was running 10 minutes later then I wanted to be and had my heart set of wearing a particular shirt to work.

I may or may not have ended the drama by throwing the damn thing on the floor of my bedroom, jumping up and down on it a few times and then coming up with an alternate solution.

xoxox

****** Update

Holy crap - I nearly forgot! Remember the IT guy that scares me but has a crush on me? He has just tried to friend me on facebook. I don't think I can get my privacy settings much higher and still be on there so I have no idea how he found me but goddamnit!

A girl I used to be friends with in highschool has also sent a friends request (via our school page) and I had a good snoop through her profile.

Jesus christ she's turned into her mother!!! She's fat! Huge! Absolutely friggin massive and for a girl who barely made 5", that's terrible! She's also cut all her lovely hair off and turned it blonde (seriously doesn't suit her) just like her mother. Her taste in clothes hasn't improved any, either, poor thing. (Srsly, who wears a crocheted dress for the official family portrait? For real!!!!!!! WTF?) I'm traumatised.

Can A Girl Get Some Peace Around Here?!

2010-01-28T19:14:00.000-08:00

Public toilets have rules. Seriously.

You don't pee on the seat, you always flush properly, if you must do number 2's, throw toilet paper in the bowl first so you don't leave tracks you cretin and if you use the last of the toilet paper, warn the person who walks into that stall right after you walk out.

The golden rule though, is that you don't talk.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk to you or be talked at by you while either of us is on the toilet. I don't go in there for conversation, for christs sake! If I wanted to talk to you, I would come and visit you at your desk or send you an email or something. Hell, I'd have lunch with you, anything rather then talk to you in the toilets.

It really ... Huh, I was going to say 'shits me', but that seems a poor choice, given the subject matter... hmm... can't use 'pisses me off', either... drives me crazy (!) when people try to start up a conversation while I am going to the toilet.

I want to get in, do what I came for and then get the hell out. If you feel awkward peeing while I am in there, wait till I leave or I am washing my hands.

God knows, I don't feel comfortable peeing when someone else is in there, so if I walk into the bathroom and someone else follows me in or is about to go in, I turn around and leave. What I don't do is cover up my own awkwardness by fucking talking to you!

The people who do it because they feel awkward, I can understand if not tolerate, but the ones that talk at me because they think it's normal do my head in.

What Year Is It Again?

2010-01-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

My two youngest nieces - Kitten & E - started grade 1 yesterday.

Devastated.

Firstly, because they are growing up so quickly - where the hell did the last few years go? Secondly, and I know this is kind of stupid, but it upsets me because I know that it's going to be a few years before I get around to having kids, which means that they will be much older then my own children, which means they won't be as close to their cousins.

George, Em & Kitten are very close. That's partly an age thing - they are so close in age that they have similar interests, but they all get along so well and love each other very much.

By the time my children are born, there will be a very large gap between them and if they are anything like my cousins and I, they won't be very close. The girls will be teenagers and off doing their own thing and I worry that my children will miss out on having that close relationship.

Of all the things I could worry about, it has to be one of the dumbest, but silly or not, it does sadden me that any children I have will not be as close to their cousins as I could wish them to be.

xoxox

I've been a little grumpy, lately. Yes, only lately. Shut up.

I feel like I am getting nowhere. No matter how much training I do, there is still more to be done. No matter how much work I get through, there is still more then I can get through, left to be done.

In terms of my workload, I know that that is not going to change - until our MOR can convince head office that we need at least another .5 FTE, it's not going to change and all I can do is try to keep my head above water.

In terms of the training... Well, I beat myself up a fair bit.

The thing is, I actually really love this industry. I think it's interesting. It is at once simple yet complex and that is what fascinates me so much. It's like knowing a language that few others understand - it seems so simple and straight forward, but it's all in the interpretation. It's about understanding the intention behind the statement.

I have always been good at communicating information - at breaking it down into easy to understand pieces. It's something that I dare to pride myself on. But lately, I have to wonder.

Either I am not as good at this as I have always believed (and been told) or I am training a bunch of deadshits.

Either I am not doing my job properly, or the raw material I am being given to work with is crap.
A poor workman always blames his tools.

I feel like I am failing them. I don't expect them to love it. I don't need them to see the beauty of it. I don't even care if they enjoy it, for crying out loud. I just need them to understand it and that seems to be beyond them, so where am I going wrong? How am I letting them down? What can I do to help them grasp this?

*** Update: MS assures me that it's actually that they're deadshits.

Yes, that does actually make me feel better.

Another Update:

Did I mention that my brother is an idiot?

He collects watches, so while he was in the US at Christmas, he managed to track down some particular TAG watch he wanted and was very happy that it was only $3k (USD). So he bought it and wore it for the last couple of days of his trip.

When it came time to come home, he packed his other watch (that he had worn over there), his laptop and the cameras all in the one bag of checked luggage.

Guess which bag went missing?

As luck would have it, my stupid brother was wearing his $3000 watch (what is that in Aussie $$? Does anyone know?) while the watch he put in his luggage was a $15000 Omega. WTF?!

My brother is a moron. As I said to him, far better that you be one of those wankers that wears 2 watches, then that you lose that Omega, idiot.

Anyway, luckily for him (my sister in law w3as going to kill him) the airline found his bag and returned it with everything intact but he's still an idiot.

Who the fuck packs a $15k watch in their freakin luggage?

1 Name, 3 Blogs, 4 Years

2010-01-17T14:55:00.000-08:00

Today is my 4 year bloggyversary. My, how time flies.

As the title of this post suggests - well, more like, clearly states, in that time, I've only had one bloggy name but I've had 3 blogs (I start a new one each time I pass a cross roads) and I really, really can't believe it's been 4 years.

I started blogging while I was living in London. I had what I like to call my non-job, at the time (a job that isn't really a job - it took me 15 minutes a day to do my work, so I spent the rest of the time surfing the internet) and frankly, it doesn't take as long as you would think to memorise the Tiffany's website, so I had a lot of spare time on my hands.

That's when I stumbled across a random Irish blog, the concept of which I found mildly interesting. From there, I somehow stumbled onto Twenty Major (who I was - and still am - pretty sure is on crack.. I mean that in a good way...) and then, I stumbled upon Steph.

I think I spent a week or so reading her blog - going back through every post she had ever written to bring myself up to date then checking out every blog she linked to (there was a LOT)...

And then I started I my own. Mainly because I was so fucking bored at work, to be perfectly honest about it but also due to Steph.

Through blogging, I have 'met' some interesting / crazy / funny / really fucked up people. I've also 'met' some that really are just plain fabulous and for whom I have a great deal of time and affection (I'm looking at you, Steph & Kylie).

I've met a couple of bloggers IRL and learned that sometimes, something that seems like a very easy friendship online doesn't translate, while with others, the personal interaction flows as smoothly offline as it does on.

I've made one of my best friends through blogging and I simply find it impossible to imagine her not being a part of my life as she has enriched it beyond anything I could have imagined when we first met for lunch that day.

In case you missed it, Ange, I'm talking about you. Please don't make either of us feel awkward by ever bringing this up again. Thanks.

I was thinking last night about small choices and where they lead us. In highschool, I chose my senior subjects around 2 things - doing as little schoolwork as possible (hey, I'm honest) and getting as many classes with my best friend as I could. I even gave up on subjects that I actually was interested in (Ancient History, for example) purely because of the work involved and it meant I could have a maths class with Drama Queen.

Because I did that, because I didn't have a clear cut idea of what I wanted to do when I finished highschool, I got a job, which lead me to my next job, which lead me to my next job, which lead to me running away overseas, which lead me to blogging, which lead to me coming home ... each small choice lead me to where I am now - to the people who are currently in my life as well as the ones I have moved on from.

We don't always see the results of those choices straight away, sometimes it takes years, but I don't regret any of my choices. How can I?

So, happy bloggyversary to me and a question for you - where are your small choices taking you today?

x

It's Going To Be A GOOD One!

2010-01-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

FD: (walking into the office) You know, if I was a serial killer, I'd-
Me: (looking up, startled) What?
MS: You know, I'm used to conversations starting with 'If I won lotto' ... I don't think I've ever heard someone lead with that.
Me: And good morning to you too, by the way.
FD: Yeah, yeah, good morning, whatever. Anyway, like I was saying, if I was a serial killer, I'd totally...
(after he finishes)
MS: ... You know, you've put a little too much thought into this for comfort.

xoxox

Me: I want lemon meringue pie
MS: Well you can't have any.
Me: But I want some!
MS: Well too bad, you're not allowed!
Me: Sez who?
MS: Me!
Me: ... You're not the boss of me!!!
MS: *looks at me strangely, starts to smile* ... Well, actually, I kind of am....
Me: Did you like that one? I thought you'd like that one.
MS: Yeah, that felt good.
Me: Excellent. The effort wasn't wasted then.
MS: No, no it wasn't.
Me: Good. .... I still want lemon meringue pie.

xoxox

I had to swing by the contact centre to talk to them and give some feedback on the newbies I was training yesterday, so I emailed everyone to meet at FD's desk. Today, I'm wearing cream and ivory from head to toe.

Me: *Waking into the centre* Morning!
*FD, QA, My Fave Consultant & Both TL's stop dead*
Me: What?
FD: *getting up and walking around me in a circle* There's no black.
QA: Not even a little bit?
FD: None
Me: Huh?
My Fave Consultant: You're not wearing any black today. At all.
FD: Who are you and what have you done with Giggles?
Me: ...And just like that, I need to go shopping....
FD: Why?
Me: Because you just proved my point - I wear too much black, when my wearing NO black at all is cause for comment, I wear too much black.
FD: So why does that mean you need to go shopping?
Me: *looking at him strangely* Because clearly, I need more non-black clothes. Der.
TL1: *starts laughing*
QA: But, but, I like the black!
Me: NO! No more wearing head to toe black every day! Sunshiny and light, people! Sunshiny and light!
TL1: Now we know it's really not her.
TL2: Tell me about it.
Me: Oh fuck off, all of you. Sunshiny and light. Right here. Suck it up.
FD: Yes, that sounded very sunshiny and light. I don't know anyone else who could make 'fuck off' sound quite so sunshiny and light as you just did.
Me: .... I hate you.

xoxox

Me: *standing at the kitchen bench making a pot of tea while talking to FD* Morning!
CSO: *walking in to the tea room* Morning.
Me: How's it going?
CSO: Ohhh you know, I haven't started yet. I wonder what type of day it's going to be today.
Me: It's going to be a good one!
CSO: ... That's very upbeat for you at this time of morning... What's happened?
Me: ... Nothing...
FD: *laughing, leans in to mock whisper in my ear* I'd give up on sunshiny and light if I were you, you're freaking people out.
Me: *sigh*

Oops

2010-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

So much for not shopping....

Last week (while on holidays, so it doesn't really count... right?) I bought an Oroton handbag and purse.

Today I just went to pick up a pair of flats and came back to work with 4 silk shirts (for work) as well as the shoes.

Shit.

The Return

2010-01-10T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's very sad.

I was so enjoying my holiday - doing nothing but reading, eating, swimming, sunburning... you know the drill....

I'm also very tired today as I had to get up at 6am when for the last week or 2, I have been staying awake until 2 or 3 am (I am a night owl) and then sleeping in (which has really been quite delightful).

The good news is that MS managed to get the reconciliation to balance - he went to one of the women (who works for our client) and asked her to have a look at it. After quite a bit of 'wtfness' she realised what was wrong... All of the adjustments that I was sending through? They were putting them to the wrong GL, so the GL that I was trying to reconcile was NEVER going to balance. Ever. Never, ever.

I feel much better now that I know that I am not actually a moron (well, I still could be but not regarding this at least).

xoxox

Yesterday was Bird's baby shower.

18 women.

10 already have children.

8 are currently pregnant.

1 was single with no children.

...

Guess which category I fell into.

I'm a minority!!!!! HALP! I'M BEING VICTIMISED!!!!!!

I swear to freakin god, I looked around and just thought 'You have GOT to be kidding me!?' I was the only person there without children and/or a partner.

After a few minutes chatting to everyone and being asked far too many times if I have children or a partner yet (YET? WTF?) (at least for Ferret it was just 'so are you seeing anyone?' as she already has the kid), Ferret and I looked at each other and took up the unspoken 'let's get out of here!'. We retreated to the kitchen and spoke to Birds mum for the morning instead.

After everyone else cleared out, Bird, HOB, Birds brother and his wife, Ferret & I sat in the living room and talked for hours. It's been ages since we've all been in the same place without someone having to go somewhere else afterwards, so it was really lovely to just sit and talk and reminisce.

xoxox

In other news, last year I was described a few times as being 'a little bit dark and gothic' .... in the interests of variety, I have decided that in 2010, I shall be sunshiny and light.

Quite how I am going to do this, I am not entirely sure.

I think I'll start with my wardrobe.... :-)

xoxox

You Said WHAT?

2010-01-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

So I finished work early on NY eve and headed down the coast to my sisters place. This is tradition - since I was 17, I have spent just about every New Years Eve with her and her husband, usually getting really fucked up.

This year was not the usual crew - Paul (who is 44) was back in Spain to spend the new year with his 19 year old gf (it's not really as bad as it sounds - mentally Paul is only about 21, so it works well), L & D didn't come down as they have been working 7 days a week and were so shattered that they just wanted to go to bed and sleep, Gary was working that night and so forth. So this time around it was some other friends of M & C's that I don't know very well.

Whenever I meet new people, I tend to sit back and watch for a while, just to see how everyone fits into the group, etc. The first couple - I'll call her Nice Woman and him Moderately Irritating Man - were fine. I quite liked her - down to earth, loves to party, seems to have a good balance on that and being a mum. MIM is moderately annoying but basically a decent guy and to be honest, if I wasn't so irritable, he probably wouldn't be annoying, so I suspect that's more me then him.

The other couple were a different story....

I'll call them.... hmm... I'd call her Don't Trust Her As Far As You Can Kick Her, but that's too long, so I think I'll run with Whore In Waiting. Her fiance - who she started seeing 2 months ago now as a booty call - I had a bit more trouble pegging.

WIW is one of those women who you wouldn't leave alone with your partner if your life depended on it and when I was talking to my sister about her the next day, she laughed and laughed and then told me the stories of some of the 'issues' they have had with her in their circle of friends. Sadly, she is friends with Nice Woman (inspite of the fact that Moderately Annoying Man asked Nice Woman if they could have a 3some with WIW and NW punched him in the face, but that's a story for another time..) so they all have to endure it. From the sounds of it though, there are a few husbands who aren't getting any as a result of letting WIW inside their personal space - not actually doing anything wrong, per se, just allowing her a little too close.

Her fiancé, I marked down as a wanker within 30 seconds of meeting him, then I felt a little guilty and decided to hold off on the final call. Lucky I did.

He found out I had an iphone and bailed me up to start talking about them and how awesome they are. Now, I do love my iphone, but I am not a techy person, by any stretch of the imagination and all I really wanted to do at this point was sit back and let my pill come on in peace, but no, he was sitting there, yabbering away and breathing all over me with his vile breath (tic tac, anyone?) and then the conversation morphed into his telling me how leet he is and how he can hack into peoples iphones and delete all their info and shit and how on his computer he can do all this other 'really cool' stuff.

I was just sitting there trying to ignore him and go to my happy place. I have quite a few friends who really are hackers and you know what? None of them feel the need to boast about their mad skillz, mainly because they know they're fucking good and they don't need to convince anyone.

Finally, he offered to do something 'really cool' to my phone and I assured him that it was fine - I wasn't that much of a geek that it would make a difference in my life. 'I'm a geek!' he said. 'No shit' I thought to myself. 'But, you know, I also ride bikes and I have tattoos and shit so I'm not just a geek" he continued. "Uh huh" I said, wishing he would just feck off because I had a wave of happy about to crest and I really just wanted to bliss out.

And then, just as my eyes started to roll back in my head, he said something that snapped my head around so fast I'm surprised I didn't do myself an injury...

He said... and I quote..."'Plus, you know, I take drugs, so I'm cool!"

....

And just like that, my wave of happy was converted to a wave of utter contempt.

'I take drugs, so I'm cool' ... Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? Did you really just say that to me?! ME?!? Of all people?

I couldn't even speak.

Now, I take drugs. Not very often these days - generally once or twice a year is about my limit and I'm happy with that. I don't feel the need to take them and sometimes when they are on offer, i will still say no because I just don't feel like it, but from 17 to roughly 26, I took more drugs then any sane person would and I mixed them all - coke, base, pills, acid, pot... even fantasy, back in the days where drinking that wasn't akin to signing your own death warrant like it is today.

I took them all in large quantities, I mixed them and I went back for more. The fact that none of us ever killed ourselves is still a source of amazement, because christ knows, there were enough od's.

I've partied with some of the biggest dealers on the east coast of Australia and their international connections. I've outlasted rockstars and outsnorted bikers 4 times my size and I've also been made to look like a total amateur in return. But you know, in all those nights (and days), over all those years and with all the people from all walks of life that I met while in the scene, the only ones I truly despised were the ones that took drugs because they thought that made them cool.

Taking drugs doesn't make you cool, fuckwit.

There are many different reasons to take drugs - to remember, to forget, to be more sociable, to go on a trip to outer space to save a planet that's under attack and then fly back to earth (I actually had someone tell me - in all seriousness - that that was what they had been doing while they were actually blissing out on the couch... they were really good pills), to lose weight, to help you stay awake, to help you have the energy to keep going when you've already been awake and dancing for 72 hours straight, to have sex, to come down, to get back up, to take a mental holiday from all the stuff that's stressing you out... I know why I take them and I don't care why you take them, so long as you don't take them because you think it makes you cool. Out of all the reasons to take drugs, that is pretty much the only one that makes me want to lay down some hurt (incidentally, I've observed over the years that the people who take drugs because they think it makes them cool are usually the first to take too much, panic and run to hospital, putting everyone else in danger).

Drugs don't make you better - they make you who you really are, because all those filters, those checks and balances that you have in place to make sure that you act in the way you think you ought to and all those learned responses all go out the window.

They strip away the pretence and leave you bare. Which is how I know for sure that he's an absolute fuckwit.

I Think...

2009-12-29T21:53:00.000-08:00

I need to make some new friends.

Too many of my friends are settled with partners and little people (or brand new kittens, lol) and are therefore unable to go out on the spur of the moment.

Plus, I really should go out more. I'm not always very sociable but I should at least try.

Huh

2009-12-28T15:14:00.000-08:00

* The timing belt on my car went on Christmas eve as I was driving home from work. This was particularly annoying as I was going to put my car in before Christmas but the guys didn't think they would get it finished in time, so I decided to wait until after Christmas as I didn't want to be without my car.

Famous last words, eh? Now I have to wait to find out how much it's going to cost me. I have my fingers crossed for a Christmas miracle - if it's just the belt, I am laughing, if I have actually done damage though... well... I'm going to be pretty pissed.

*The best, and I do mean the ABSOLUTE best part of Christmas day was singing along to Miley Cyrus with my nieces.

George and Em couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and I didn't know the words but the 3 of us had a ball. I didn't know the words before then, but I have to admit I do now.

We even made up dances to go with the songs. I'd suggest you never let a 6 and 7 year old make up a dance routine - they seem to involve a lot of twirling and hands flinging out in all directions and it's really quite dangerous. Em nearly lost an eye but the show must go on!

I may or may not have been a little tipsy at teh time.

*FD & VTG came over for dinner the night before last, we ate ourselves stupid, swam in the pool, sat in the spa, played some boardgames (jesus, does that mean I'm getting old?) and drank a shitload of cocktails. All in all, it was a fantastic night.

*I really don't feel like being at work today, especially given that for the whole 3 days between now and new year's eve, I MUST get this reconciliation balanced. I wish I had booze. This would be so much less horrible and scary if I was drinking, I'm sure.

*I absolutely cleaned up on the present front this year. Seriously, I was SO spoiled by everyone. I am feeling very special and for once it's in a non-little bus kind of way.

'Tis

2009-12-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

a) The season to be jolly

b) A sad, sad state of affairs when I am in the office working on my day off.

c) Finally starting to feel like Christmas

d) All of the above.

The correct answer, is 'D'

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

AAAARRRRGGHHHAAA!

2009-12-22T17:51:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned how much I hate doing reconciliations? As in, purely loathe them? I despise doing reconciliations more then I love the rest of my job put together, which is not good news, really.

The general ledger reconciliations cause me untold amounts of stress and I have spent the last 2 days as well as this morning working on nothing BUT the GL recs.

We are currently 3 weeks behind (bad news) and I can't put them through because I can't get them to balance (very bad news) and I can't find why they don't balance (even worse) and every time I think I've got it, it turns out that I am even further out then I thought I was...

To make matters worse, I have tomorrow off and then come back for the 3 days between Christmas & NY eve, then I am off on a weeks holiday.

The woman who approves the payments for these recs is on leave between tomorrow and the NY, so her first day back is my first day off.

Which means that after today, nothing is going to be approved or paid until about mid-Jan (assuming that I manage to work out what the problem is, assuming that I am able to get them approved straight away when I get back... can you see there are a few too many assumptions in there?), which totally fucks up our commissions and cash flow forecasting, which does NOT look good at head office.

I swear, if I was ever going to start mainlining heroin, these fucking recs would be what push me to it.

Somedays

2009-12-21T19:33:00.001-08:00

The world is full of irritations.

Other days, it's full of cunts.

Today, it's a wildly annoying combination of both.

I'm still not sure how it all went so wrong so quickly.

Well, That Was A Little Left Field

2009-12-21T16:58:00.000-08:00

From: Processing Dept Rep (HO)
To: Giggles

Hi Giggles,

Merry Christmas!

May I please request 3 boxes of Your Clients Branded envelopes (DL;window faced; self seal) to be sent to:

xxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxx

Thanks a lot!

From: Giggles
To: Processing Dept Rep (HO)

Hi Cyn,

Man, I wish my family were as easily satisfied at Christmas as you are! I've sent this through to Prop Services for actioning.

Stay safe and have a great festive season :-)

Cheers
Giggles

From: Processing Dept Rep (HO)
To: Giggles

Hi Giggles,

Thanks a lot!!

And by the way, I saw you at the Christmas Party and you're very beautiful.

:-)

Regards
Cyn

Very lovely, but a little left field. I have no idea wtf she looks like but clearly, I wasn't actually speaking to her at the Christmas party! Hurrah for compliments, especially given that I am feeling like a fat pig at teh moment.

xoxox

In other news, my brother and his family have arrived safely in New York and my niece has enjoyed her first snow fights in Central Park.

xoxox

I

2009-12-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

I smell like musk lollies. It's awesome.

I am still feeling quite full from last night. Ange is an awesome cook.

I am very tired - again from last night. It was a long drive home.

I am very glad that Ange did not already own any of the books I bought her for Christmas. Especially that Chanel one. I was sweating blood on that one.

I am not looking forward to trying to balance this damn reconciliation. It's currently $700-odd out.

I am really looking forward to my Christmas break. Hurrah for present!

I still have to buy presents for my parents as I've not been able to find anything I have thought of so far.

I hate going to the shops at this time of year, but I am going to have to keep doing it until I have something for mum & dad.

I am currently housesitting for my brother and his wife while they are in New York. Lucky bastards.

I am going to spend a lot of time in that pool over the next 4 weeks.

I desperately need a pedicure. My feet are actually grossing me out.

I sometimes think I should make the effort to study the Australian political system and the individuals in it so that I will actually understand what the hell everyone is talking about. Then I realise I can't be bothered and I would rather keep doing what I currently do (i.e. ignoring most of what happens until the lead up to an election, when I suddenly have to wade through a massive amount of policy information in a very short space of time and decide whose policies and party members I dislike least).

I do avoid giving a political opinion though, given that I am aware that I have no clue what the hell is going on. I guess that's one point in my favour.

I have too much work to do.

I am already sick of looking at houses. Why does my perfect house not just present itself to me?

AND

I am currently missing out on a white Christmas in the UK. I know this because LH emailed me to tell me about it. Life is very unfair.

Oh... And did I mention I smell like musk lollies? I keep wanting to lick my arm.

They Grow Up So Fast

2009-12-17T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today I received my first ever 'Merry Christmas' email from one of my nieces.

She wrote it all and refused to let my sister check the spelling or anything similar. Luckily, the child has a good grasp of grammar (we've always refused to use baby talk to them, baby talk is ridiculous) and her spelling was perfect.

It made me feel all warm and fuzzy, but also strangely sad - she's growing up so quickly and while I look forward to seeing the woman she will eventually become, I can't help but miss my baby girl.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

2009-12-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

Now, give me a fucking carpark, don't walk in front of me or 5 abreast so that you block the aisle and let me show you what damage I can do...

I'm going Christmas shopping for Ange's present (well, part of it) tonight.

I'm actually quite irritated as what I was trying to get for the second part turned out to be far more difficult to get hold of then I thought it would be (I can't say what I was thinking of, because good ideas for her are too hard to come by!), so now I have to try to run with a last minute idea, which I hate doing.

Wish me luck, I love to shop but I purely despise shopping at Christmas time, it's like my idea of hell.

Some Days

2009-12-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

Some days, the only solution is to put your head on your desk and cry.

Then of course you have to go fix your makeup and get on with it.

But the crying really does help.

What An Interesting Few Days

2009-12-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

So Wednesday morning MS & I flew into Sydney, ready for some go karting. Team bonding at it's finest, I tell you. Nothing says 'team bonding' quite so much as doing your level best to beat everyone else on the racetrack.

Oh - before I go any further, I finally came up with a nickname for my new MOR - it's Top Gun. Surprisingly, unlike most ex-armed services people I have met previously, he's not a tosser. I thought it was mandatory, but maybe that's why he left. Who knows.

In the car on the way there:

TG: So, Giggles, are you a fast driver? How do you reckon you'll go?
MS: You've never been in a car with this woman, have you?
Me: Shuddup. I'm not really a fast driver - not anymore, anyway, but I'm an angry driver, so I'm not sure if that will help or not.
TG: Ok, so we can look forward to some kart-rage from you then?

As it turned out, TG, MS & I spent the whole time tussling for first place. I had the fastest lap time in the first 3 races, TG got the 4th, I had the fastest time again in the 5th and MS took it out on the 6th. We were all within .02 - .06 of each other, every single time. 3 people in our team actually stopped racing because they figured they stood no chance of winning with the 3 of us on the track, so they just watched. In the final race, all 3 of us came around a corner - TG had been in front, I was in the middle and MS was behind me, TG came round the curve tight so I went a little wider to go round and MS slid out and came round even wider then I did, so when we hit the straight, all 3 off us were side by side, which was fine, until the track narrowed... There was no way I was backing off and TG had the inside for the next turn so there was no way he was backing off, add that up and it really wasn't good news for MS... Hands down, the most fun I have had at one of these things. TG has agreed to a rematch at some point when he's up in Brisbane.

Wed night I caught up with The Banker and his gf. She is absolutely charming. And very good for him - he's mellowed out a lot and frankly, if anyone needed mellowing out, it was The Banker. He is doing tremendously well at work and life is treating him very well indeed, at the moment. We all talked for hours as there was a lot to catch up on.

Thursday at the conference was mind-numbing. I was sitting next to TG so I couldn't even sleep, although I found out later the TG did! The advantage of being the boss, I suppose - who's going to yell at you for sleeping during the most boring presentations ever? 40th celebration lunch (yawn) and then back to the conference. I'd rather have bamboo driven underneath my finger nails then sit through that day again. Thursday night, dinner with the ELT, followed by - what fresh hell is this? - karaoke. I left at 11.30pm, the venue tried to make them leave at 12.00, then 12.30... at 1.30, they simply turned the power off so everyone finished singing the song (they knew the words), finished their drinks and then left.

Friday's conference was actually interesting and I gained a lot from it, so that was worthwhile, at least. Friday night was the work Xmas party and that's where things were a little weird.

Our SA team always sends 3 people to these conferences, Mr SA, who is the regional, his side-kick, who I shall name Robin and of course, running with the theme, Batgirl. Batgirl is lovely, we are actually quite alike, which is a little scary. Mr SA is lovely, although a total control freak, I believe. Robin.... I've always gotten along well with Robin, I've only met him about 3 times, spoken to him on the phone a few more times - just about work stuff - but all in all, I liked him. As a person, not liked him, liked him.

We'd spoken a few times over the conference, talking about work stuff and the pressure our teams are getting from HO, trying to do more work with less people, problems with our accounts and how we manage them, etc etc etc. It was all work related and totally above board. At least on my part.

At the Christmas party, after a few drinks, he started telling me how he and his wife have an open marriage. Now, I was sort of sitting there thinking 'I have met you 3 times and you're telling me this?' but at the same time, I am used to people oversharing their sexual idiosyncrasies and the idea of an open marriage doesn't bother me per se - so long as both parties know that it is open, I think it's a personal choice. But there was something about the way he was telling me, that made me feel a little uncomfortable. So I've said something along the lines of 'wow, that's great that you guys can be so honest and open with each other, I think it takes a lot of trust to do that, I don't know if I could feel comfortable with that myself'

I know, I know - I realised about 10 seconds later that I should have just shut my mouth, smiled and changed the subject, however it only took me a minute or two to close the conversation by saying it was never an option for me as I was allergic to latex. At that point, someone came over to talk to us, I didn't catch his name, all I remember is he had bad breath and he couldn't tell you what colour my eyes are as he was too busy staring at my cleavage. (Note to self - burn that dress).

Spent the night talking to all the people I needed to talk to, didn't really drink much (even by anyone else's standards, I didn't drink much, I was too tired and the more I drank, the more I wanted to sleep, which is a pity as it was very good wine), just cruised around and generally had a good time.

After the party ended, our group headed off for some more food, then back in the general direction of the hotel (there are some decent bars nearby) and on the walk, at some point, I found myself walking next to him. He asked me what my plans were for the rest of night. Given that it was now 2am and we were all going for a couple of quiet drinks before going to bed, there really wasn't much I could say beyond 'A couple of quite drinks, at which point I am going to go back to my room and hopefully pass out from alcohol consumption' "Really?" he asked, "that's a lot less fun then what I had in mind" "Oh" I said vaguely. He then followed up with "I have some non-latex condoms in my room"

At this point we reached an intersection and Miss WA turned around to ask me how my feet were ('If they're not bleeding, they should be") as we all moved across at the lights, we started trying to work out where we were going, once they had a firm commitment, I announced that I was going to bed and would see everyone at breakfast. Got back to the room, jumped in the shower and just as I was finishing up, the room phone rang. It was Robin....

I must give him credit for persistence.

I don't know what time it was that I got him off the phone. I was so tired I just crawled into bed without even looking. I was deliberately late to breakfast the next morning as I knew their team had a slightly earlier flight then MS & I did, so they would be finishing up earlier. We passed at the lifts though so I did get a chance to say goodbye to them all.

I told MS all about it at the airport as we were waiting for our flights and he is a little disturbed, something tells me he will never be leaving me alone with Robin again. Ever. (Why is it always me that attracts this kind of trouble on these trips?)

I just felt a little weirded out by the whole thing. At first, when I felt uncomfortable with it, I told myself that I was being presumptuous, possibly even arrogant, then I thought, 'nope, I'm pretty sure this is going where I think its going' then I thought 'don't be presumptuous' then I thought 'nope, I'm pretty sure this is going where I think it's going" then I thought- ... well... you get the idea.

Random, random man.

I know or care if it was just a line or not for him, but I do wonder how many men use that line on work trips (or even just at work) and how often it works?

Can You Smell That??

2009-12-07T22:47:00.001-08:00

It's .... a whole lot of work building up for 3 days....

Hmmm...

It sounded a lot more fun when they first told me about it.

....

I am off to Sydney for 3 days for a work type thing. I say work type because the first day is going to be spent racing go karts.

Do you think they'll mind if I turn up in heels?

From there, it's dinners and 40th celebration lunches (the company turns 40 - in Australia - this year) and all sorts of fun (read: boring) stuff as well as some serious talks about how the company is performing, how much more work they think they can screw out of us for the same amount of money (news flash, fuckers, my team of 7 is now a team of 2 - we're pushing shit uphill as it is, you aren't getting any more out of us!!!!!) and how we can really improve that customer experience (ummm... hire more people? There's a radical fucking idea for you).

Hmmm.... I seem to have some anger issues today. Sorry, I'm a bit tired, a bit cranky, a bit stressed and I doubt I am going to get out of here before 7pm (again) which means I am going to miss my pole class (there's not much that pisses me off more then that does).

But it is 3 days in Sydney with all expenses paid. That's a bonus.

...

Am I the only person who gets horny in hotel rooms?

Thank Goodness Those Nights Don't Happen Too Often

2009-12-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

Saturday was our client race day and it was a very long day. I actually really hate these days. It's not like going out to the races with your friends and getting smashed and having a good time - you're spending all day making sure that you are one of the least drunk people there and trying to talk to everyone and be a good host.

Even outside of work, after a couple of hours of sociability (3 at the most), I normally need a good 10 - 15 minutes away from other people before I can go be sociable again, but that isn't possible on these days either, so by the time the 5 hours at the track is up, I am normally starting to feel very stressed out and just want to get away.

Mr Funny set his limit (for gambling) for the day at $2000 and by the time we left, he had $4500 in his pocket, so he was happy. I didn't gamble, I get too annoyed when I lose.

After the races, a group of us headed out for dinner, also paid for by the company. There are distinct perks to my job and getting to eat in some very good restaurants is one of them.

After dinner, everyone else was ready to head home except for FD, Mr Funny and I. FD was trying to convince Mr Funny to go to a strip club, but Mr Funny was worried that I would be offended (pfft), so we headed to the Breakfast Creek hotel (now that offended me) to meet up with everyone else from the race day. Of course, the boys didn't think to check that everyone was still there, so by the time we got there, only 2 people were left as all those others had been kicked out. At that point, FD got his way so we went to a strip club.

I always think you haven't really bonded with your clients until you've shared a lap dance.

Or several. (Mr Funny was paying)

I got 5 lap dances, a private lap dance and then Mr Funny and I shared a couple of lap dances, which was more difficult then you'd think as we have very different ideas of what makes a woman attractive.

At about 3am (while... was her name May?.. was writhing all over him), he looked over at me and said 'Is this going to be awkward on Monday?' 'Probably not as awkward as trying to explain the lipstick on your jacket to your wife tomorrow' I replied.

Understanding

2009-12-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

MS: So yes, I have decided that I don't understand women. At all. Not even my wife.
Me: You don't have to understand us, you just have to love us.
MS: Hmmm
Me: Understanding is over-rated. There's too much understanding in the world today.
MS: *laughs*
Me: It's true - most of the things you find yourself understanding are deeply unpleasant.

Emails @ Work And Other News

2009-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

FD: Hi...
Me: Hi....
FD: So... Ummm...
Me: .....
FD: I totally want Mexican, you keen?
Me: Mmmm... Mexican... nom nom nom...
FD: I'll take that as a yes....
Me: Let's be honest, you could have said anything short of 'mudpies' and I would have said the same thing right now.
FD: That's what I was counting on!

xoxox

VTG: So... I found these shoes I want for the wedding...
Me: Links / pictures plse!
VTG: Here they are. I can't decide, which ones do you like best?
Me: The first pair, the bow breaks up the bling a little. :-) They are beautiful though. I bet they're comfortable, too!
VTG: I know, right? FD won't let me have them. :-(
Me: ?!?!?! Does he not know not to come between a woman and shoes? After all this time? I'm terribly disappointed in you, I thought you would have trained him better.
VTG: He says they're too expensive for one day. :-(((
Me: How much are they?
VTG: 1200 GBP....
Me: ... Hmm...
VTG: You're trying to work out how you can avoid agreeing with him, aren't you.
Me: ... Shhh, I'm still thinking...
VTG: Lol

xoxox

In other news, Angelina may just be the best friend EVER (or EVA, if you will).

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!

I am totally in love with my Christmas present. You are awesome.

And I love it. A LOT.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and stroke it some more.... /grin

....

Wait! That doesn't sound quite right! ... Meh.

Bah / Whinge / Hmm / Cry / Happy Dance / Oh Well

2009-11-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

Blogger is driving me crazy.

Short trip.

xoxox

I'm currently going through another 'no sleeping' phase. I hate these, I really do. I am not someone who can function well on only a couple of hours sleep per night and after almost a week of it, I'm starting to feel the pain.

I can't concentrate, work is suffering and my eyes constantly feel like they're burning. I've spent the last 2 days training, just to add to the insult. Training is exhausting enough when you are fully rested and on top of your game, but when you're drained to begin with, summoning the enthusiasm and energy required is damn near impossible.

It's times like these that I wish I drank coffee or energy drinks.

xoxox

And the lack of sleep is making me snappy, which isn't easing that transition period for MS & I. Luckily, he knows me well enough to know that it's not him in particular that I am snapping at, but that doesn't mean it's ok.

xoxox

I need a holiday.

I have been wanting a holiday for a few months now, but I am really starting to get a bit desperate about the whole thing now.

I want a holiday where I sit on the beach reading while someone brings me cocktails yet I can't see it happening until at least March as we simply have too much work on.

A week to 10 days with no phones, no emails, no plan... That's all I ask for. Well, that and some cocktails, sand, sun, books, food... you get the picture.

xoxox

I am currently in love with Super Massive Black Hole by Muse (yes, I know, it's been out for years, whatever). I have actually mapped out an entire pole routine to it, too, even though it's about a minute and a half too short for what I want to do. MS, being awesome, has offered to download some programs so he can pull it to pieces and put extra bits in for me to make it longer for me. He's a good friend.

Now, of course, I just need to actually be able to DO the stuff I can picture in my mind. It's a work in progress.

xoxox

Speaking of pole, next term, they aren't doing the level I wanted to, so I am going to skip up to Advanced Prep 1. The good news is that it's on Monday nights (hurrah! Something to look forward to on Mondays!) which means that I can still keep Tuesdays for practice. Once I am living closer to town again, I will go back to doing pole practice on Sundays and then return to gymnastics on Tuesdays.

The best part about the new class being on Monday is that I will no longer have to deal with the current Tuesday teacher. She's lovely, don't get me wrong, but jesus fucking christ she annoys the shit out of me.

Changes

2009-11-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

At sushi last night, FD was telling me about a conversation he had had with his boss (Mr Funny) earlier that day..

Mr F: So, what do you think is going to happen in there now with The Boss leaving?
FD: Umm... if MS keeps going the way he is?
Mr F: Yeah
FD: Ummm... Giggles is going to snap, stab him, probably have to quit, most likely go to jail.
Mr F: What? No, seriously, what do you think will happen with those two?
FD: Ohhh, you want me to be serious?
Mr F: Yeah, seriously.
FD: Ok.... umm.... Giggles is going to snap, stab MS, probably have to quit, most likely go to jail.
Mr F: ....
FD: Dude, she doesn't take shit from anyone, he keeps acting like an ass and she will fucking kill him.
Mr F: You really think so?
FD: Yeah.
Mr F: Wow... this is going to be interesting!
FD: You have no idea.....

xoxox

So, a couple of months ago, my boss got a call from head office, telling him he needed to cull the team by 1. As there are only 3 of us, including him, this was not good news for MS or I.
Fortunately, we didn't know about this at the time - my stress levels have been high enough as it is, lately.

Anyway, he thought about it, discussed it with his wife and decided to take the bullet himself. Partly it was the nice fat redundancy package, partly it was the fact that MS is a single income family with 2 small children and partly that he knows I am digging myself out of debt before throwing myself right back in there .. Either way, no matter what his reasons, MS & I dodged a fucking bullet.

MS is now stepping up to be the account manager (Batman) and I will be the sidekick (Batgirl, not Robin)...

It's not all bad - there are no pay increases at present, but our reviews will be up shortly and provided we can prove ourselves between now & then, there should be some goodness coming our way (s).

The problem (you knew there had to be one) is that MS is now going to be my boss...

It's not easy being your friends boss and I do understand that this is difficult for him; he also knows that it's difficult for me and we are both aware that this may not be an entirely smooth transition. However, if he doesn't stop overdoing it so much, I probably will fucking snap and kill him because he is really pissing me off.

God help us both.

The good news is, Ange should be able to suggest a good defence lawyer when the time comes.

xoxox

When 'Mature' Is Another Word For 'Boring'

2009-11-11T20:02:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about something that happened when I was living in the UK, so I went back to read what I had blogged about it, just for kicks.

I kept reading.

You know, I was a lot more fun back then.

Somewhere along the line, and I'm not too sure where, I stopping not giving a shit and started giving a shit and it's that very giving a shit-ness that kills off the fun.

I'm not a particularly spontaneous person - never have been. I'm the type who plans days to be spontaneous, you know, like I will say to myself 'that particular weekend, I am not going to plan anything in advance, I'm just going to do what I want when it rolls around' and of course, that weekend rolls around and I spend it lazing in bed reading .... or cooking and reading ... or reading and cooking... either way, there's a lot of books and food involved, but nothing else.

Which is always great because I do enjoy those things, but I don't get to that weekend and think 'I'm going to drive to Byron for the day!' or 'Hey, wouldn't it be cool to drive to Cairns, look at the beach and then drive back?' and yet once upon a time, I used to do shit like on a semi-regular basis at least... Ok, fair enough, I never actually drove to Cairns just to look at the beach, but I do remember Bird, Ferret and I deciding one Saturday morning to do it, but Sal talked us out of it and we all went to see a movie instead. Stupid idea, we should have gone to Cairns because I'm pretty sure the movie sucked.

But you get my point, right? When the hell did this happen? I need to stop planning so much and stop being the fun police, it's time to live a little!

I know that doing stupid shit like that is is partly how I ended up in debt, but there has to be a balance between me then and me now. I need to combine the fun 20-something Giggles with the somewhat more practical (only 'somewhat', let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here) early 30's me.

Really what it means is that I need to get out more.

The One Email That Made Me Literally Laugh Out Loud Today

2009-11-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

You're either very busy or incredibly pissed at me

*hangs head*

It was funny because I AM busy, but it's all crap I don't want to do so I am putting it off and I wasn't upset, just a little 'Ermm.... I don't think you realise what you just did...' (Which, as it happens, I was 100% correct in assuming).

:-)

Grrrrrrrrr

2009-11-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

I know that lack of sleep (I have slept very poorly, even for me, over the last couple of days) is responsible for my currently elevated levels of irritation, but even if I wasn't sleep deprived, I would still be annoyed right now.

It's confidential work stuff, so I can't really go into it yet, but I am not happy about it and if it turns out the way I suspect it will, I am going to move from being 'irritated' to be being seriously pissed and at THAT point, you can bet your ass you'll be hearing chapter and friggin verse.

Ow!

2009-11-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

I think my break from pole was a little too long... I had my first class the other night and this time around, I decided to do a condensed recap - so I am doing the Intermediate course now, then I think I will skip up and do Spinners 2, then I might try Advanced Prep (groan) and then I will go back to Showtime. It will take a bit longer, but I think it's worth it.

Sporty Solicitor decided to come back and do Intermediate with me, just for fun, which is great - we get to have a bit of a chat and have some fun, all at the same time. I don't like the fact that I have a different teacher - Teach brought me through from beginners to Showtime, the first time round and now I have to adjust to someone else's teaching style. She does seem lovely though - very fun, perky and a little too enthusiastic perhaps, but overall, lovely.

The biggest problem I faced, was that since I stopped, I have been indulging myself in all sorts of awesome body washes, moisturisers and so forth, which you can't use when you do pole. Sadly, I forgot to stop using them in the week before, so I still had all that residue all over my skin and my hands, which made it very difficult to grip properly. I was so frustrated during class that the moment I walked through the door at home, I went & put them all away in the cupboard so that I couldn't make that mistake again and dug out my clay. /sigh. I liked all the pretty smells. :-(

Gymnastics on Thurs, Ange couldn't make it but Sporty Solicitor was there. The first hour is torture, I hate it. I was also still really sore from pole, so there was stuff that I simply couldn't do. After that though, I spent most of the rest of the session stretching. I asked the guys for some different stretches as my flexibility is truly pathetic at the moment. My plan is to focus of flexibility for a while and let my strength gradually improve from pole, then when I have improved my flexibility to the point I need it to be at, I will just maintain that and focus on increasing my strength. I don't want to try to do both at once or I'll end up doing both half assed, I want to focus and get it right. We'll see how that goes.

xoxoxo

The unit that I was thinking of putting in offer for, I have decided to let go - there is too much work that needs to be done to the outside of the property. The inside needs a fair bit of work done, but I am honest enough to admit that a good portion of it is purely because I'm a picky bitch and I've never had to live in a house that wasn't new. The outside however, was another story. There is just too much money that needs to be spent and not enough in the sinking fund to cover it. So yes, looks like I am back to looking, which isn't a bad thing - more time is actually a good thing for me.

xoxox

I'm having trouble focusing at work, lately. I don't mind change, but too much of it all at once does leave me a little unsettled and we have got massive amounts of change going on. It's involving a lot of stepping up and no pay increases (yet.... there better be some further down the line though, that's all I can say...) with a great deal more stress. We'll see how that goes.

xoxox

I caught up with Bird the other day and we were sitting there talking about her pregnancy and how it's all going etc and she asked me what I was planning to do about kids - realistically, if I am still single in a few years time, am I going to give it a miss, or will I have them anyway and my first instinct is to say I would have them anyway. I don't think being a single parent is easy - I have friends who are single parents, but I do want children and if push comes to shove and I don't have anyone to have them with, then I will do it alone.

xoxox

I Could Try Harder, But I Really Can't Be Fucked.

2009-11-04T17:35:00.000-08:00

Venting time.

This post is a response to someone else's post. I'm not going to link to them because if you have read theirs, you'll know what I am talking about and if you haven't, then you aren't missing anything so leave it alone. They will either read this or they won't - it doesn't matter to me as I simply needed to get this off my chest. I am not emailing them directly because I am at work and don't feel like giving them my personal details, neither do I wish to waste any of my time on this (my employers time, clearly, I am not so worried about but I figure I do enough unpaid overtime that they can deal) by emailing after work when I can use gmail.

It's also way too fucking long to post as a comment.

-----------------

I try not to be judgemental, I really do. I'm not perfect so I don't always manage it but I give it my best shot, most of the time. The problem is that I have a fair bit of common sense (which these days I am even applying to my finances, whodda thunk it?) and I think I am of at least average intelligence, which makes idiocy particularly difficult for me to ignore or let slide.

Lucky I'm fucking perfect, eh? (Ignore what I said above, I was being modest, of course I'm fucking perfect, have you not been paying attention all these years? Jesus).

Truth / lie - you were always going to get caught out. For me, it's simple - how fucking hard is it to do the right thing? As I mentioned to another blogger, the entire situation could have been avoided by a simple 'Guess what mofo's, I am a god-damned medical miracle' type post. Sure, some people would have been a little shitty - relief does that sometimes - but for the most part, everyone would have been happy. No one likes to hear that someone has passed away and the time lapse would have been understood - it's a long journey, to come back from deaths door. I've heard that people I went to school with have died and I thought they were total cunts, but I was still shocked and saddened to hear that they were dead (promising life - cuntiness aside of course- cut short, etc etc).

I understand that if shit really went down, then it would be horrible to be judged so harshly - I get that, I really do. But you also need to take a step back and realise that some may have difficulty believing your story, after all, you've just proved that you don't have a good track record with the truth, do you?

I don't know, maybe it was easier to let sleeping blogs lie, but easy ain't always easy and sometimes sticking your head in the sand is a good way to get a bullet up the backside. Similarly, your self righteous explanations that you thought it was 'for the best' cut no ice with me - don't give me that BS about how you didn't think they 'really' cared, if you have one iota of emotional intelligence, you know when someone really cares or not - sure, the levels of caring differ, but you know if it's real.

It was for the best that you continued the lie? A lie of that magnitude? Really?

Regardless of how it came about - deliberate or accidental, it's a lie and one that should never have been allowed to stand unchallenged. Perhaps I am exceptionally brave (pfft) or stupid (they are more closely related then I think many people realise) but I don't think it takes THAT much courage to do the right thing and correct the monumental fucking error.

And another thing, don't defend yourself by saying 'it's only online, you don't really know me or care about me because you only see a little bit of who I am and I don't care what you think because its only the people who know me IRL who matter' and then get all fucking emo when people judge you. You can't have it both ways, either you give a shit what people think or you don't.

If you don't care, then why does it matter that we think you lied? We're nameless, faceless bloggers who hold no importance in your life, so if I want to think (or even post) that I think you're an emotional vampire and a lying twat who thought they'd never get caught out and is now playing the sympathy card again with your 'heavy' post and feeding off everyone's sympathy for your plight, then it shouldn't even register on your fucking radar.

If you do care, then don't fucking pretend you don't because that shit is impossible to hide.

Make up your mind.

I absolutely agree with your point that none of us indulge in full disclosure - we edit, we have screen names, we protect ourselves and the people we love. We change our jobs, we change the name of the place we went to on the weekend, we post things at differing times after they happened so that people can't track us. But all of those measures are for protection. Strictly speaking, you could call them lies, but they are the lies that are both acceptable and tacitly acknowledged by other bloggers. You don't lie about the big stuff and THAT is what makes this situation so offensive.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that you actually expect other people to feel sorry for you and not to be upset by this situation. I was frankly stunned at the sheer hypocrisy of your pity-party post that you have now taken down (hopefully because you realised what a complete fucking wankstain it made you look like, given the circumstances). I am disgusted that you could allow other people to believe such a painful lie and not want to correct it enough to make the supposedly hard choice to correct the clearly erroneous assumption that you were dead. (Please insert more sarcasm here - I coudn't fit enough into the sentence)

Oh - and you know your comparison of hearing another blogger died to hearing that someone on an adult sex site died is one of the dumbest fucking things I have ever read. Seriously. You're an idiot if you actually think that comparison is going to fly. You are honestly comparing a casual fuck to someone who knows both more and less about you then many of your nearest and dearest and who shares the same with you? You're really going there? Truly? I think it's time to do some more creative editing on your blog, because right now, you're heading into Imelda territory. (I swear to god, if I find out that the words 'I've been taken out of context' make it onto the screen, I am going to the pub at lunch to have a drink)

If another blogger chooses to believe you, then that's great. I don't know if they choose to believe you because they really do believe you or if they simply need to believe you because the other option is too distressing, but either way, if they are happy then I am happy but I am very annoyed that you hurt and upset them in the first place (see how that works? Faceless blogger they may be, but I care about them regardless, although of course, it's not real because it's only online. Moron.)

So yeah, I could try harder to be all understanding and give a shit, but I really can't be bothered. I have no respect for you and I simply can't continue to read you because I no longer trust anything you say, then too, your victim mentality annoys the shit out of me. Oxygen thief or not, I am glad you're alive but in this case, you were right - this particular blogger doesn't give a shit about you.

P.S. It's been a while since I've seen much circle jerking, high school mentality or politics ....maybe I'm not reading the right blogs? Where can I find these blogs? I feel like I'm missing out on all the fun. And I love the high moral ground at the end - I'm not going to do any of that stuff cos I'm above it! So there!

Fucking gold.

Two Words

2009-11-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

Trust.

We all blather on about trust, but what is it really? And how much do you trust others? More importantly, how much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust your own judgement? In yourself, in other people...

Sometimes we grant our trust immediately - we meet someone and for whatever reason, decide that this is someone we can count on. We feel a connection - however tenuous it may be - and we trust our own judgement, we trust what that person is telling us.

Sometimes, the trust has to be earned - we don't trust immediately, but over time, as someone acts in a consistent manner and says consistent things, we learn to trust them.

In the end, sometimes we get it wrong.

Truth

And what is truth? My truth is different to anyone else's - if, for example, Angelina and I both see a certain event and then we were asked what had happened, we would both have a different perception of the event. Would either of us be lying? No, but our truths would each be slightly different, affected by our previous experiences.

Telling the truth is another area where things get blurry. Is there a bad time to tell the truth? Yes... and no....

Do I want to hear that those jeans make my ass look big? Yes.

Do I want to hear this after I bought them? No, not really, but it's better late then never - I'd rather hear it after I shelled out of a couple of hundred dollars but before I wore them out, then never be told at all that they made my ass look double decker sized.

When it comes to telling the truth there are three times to tell it - good, better, best.

There is no such thing as a bad time to tell the truth... Unless of course, the police are asking you where I hid the body....

What A Weekend - Part 1

2009-10-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

In brief:

Friday - fly to Sydney (Miss Pole Dance Australia)
Saturday - fly home
Sunday - Drive to Noosa (VBM's wedding) (yes, you read that correctly)
Monday - drive home

The long version:

Sporty Solicitor arrived at the terminal at 10.55am, swearing about traffic (she never swears - it was quite amusing), sweaty, out of breath from running and totally freaking out.

Our flight was at 11.

Kristy from Virgin Blue did her best (the flight had been delayed anyway) but couldn't get us on the flight - I could have made it as my bag was small enough to take onboard, but Sporty Solicitor was carrying a massive suitcase that would do me for a bloody fortnight, let alone a weekend. I pointed out that if I took the original flight, I was going to hang around Sydney airport by myself for an hour while SS sat in Brisbane, so we might as well wait together.

Poor SS felt so bad that she insisted on paying the change over charge and apologised for about 15 minutes straight "It's ok" I said to her 'it's Friday and we're not at work, how bad can it be?" Angela at the Customer Service desk approved of my attitude. Angela gave us our new tickets and off we went to drop our bags off, stopping to thank Kristy for all of her efforts again as we did so.

So we get on the plane and discover that some old dude (who smelled absolutely vile) had stolen the window seat. He tried to play dumb but I wasn't having a bar of it - as I said to SS later, I might be prepared to give up a window seat for her (I like the window seat but SS LOVES them) but there was no fucking way I was giving up a window seat for some old dude who I didn't even know. After we sat down, we realised we had a lot more leg room then usual.... Angela had put us in business class.... Gold star for Angela!

Finally made it to the hotel, had dinner, got ready and headed off to the Miss Pole Dance Australia comp.

I was seriously underwhelemed by the individual performances. A lot of the girls were very stripperish, which I found wildly annoying - pole dancing as a sport has worked so hard to distance itself from stripping as a profession and when you get girls going on stage in corsets, lace stockings and g-strings and then writhing around on the floor, performing average tricks that I expect our advanced student to be able to pull of in addition to not dancing in time with their music, it isn't just frustrating to watch, it sets pole dancing back another bloody 5 years. Annoying much. There were some stand outs, but it was more by virtue of the fact that they weren't totally crap then because they were so awesome. I did like the top 3 though - they were so far above the rest of the pack that it wasn't even funny.

I'm a tough critic, what of it?

The doubles were really good. I was very impressed with all of the doubles and the fact that MILF & Organic Girl won - and not just won, but absolutely fucking smashed it - was awesome. I really don't have the words to do it justice. I was so blown away by their routine it's not even funny. It is on You Tube, so I will come back after work and post the link here so you can view it if you want. I don't know the girl who made the video, but you can hear her cheering (quite a bit) throughout it, which is kind of amusing.

What followed was a very big night - cocktails, headjobs on bananas, party tricks galore and some humping of couches and each other, may or may not have kept everyone else at the after party entertained. Seriously. Everyone else just stood around and watched our group because we were having enough fun for everyone in the damn place. There may actually be some evidence of the aforementioned shenanigans floating around, too. Somewhere along the line, MILF lost the bag that had their clothes in it (the girls were still in their costumes) as well as mobiles and other essential kind of stuff, so there was a fair bit of walking involved in getting back to the Enmore theatre to see if she had left it outside.

I don't suggest walking around that area at 3am wearing nothing more then 7 inch stripper heels and (essentially) a black & gold sparkly bikini with a feathered and beaded head-dress... Well, not unless you enjoy that sort of attention, anyway.....

Thankfully, SS and I had stocked up on supplies the afternoon before, so we had chips, chocolate, painkillers, water & Nudie juices to ease the pain the next morning but even so, we only got out of bed at 2pm the next day when MILF & Organic Girl stopped by our room and made us. After lunch (which was at around 3pm), it was time to catch my plane home.

Forgive Me

2009-10-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little emo today but I will do the weekend post shortly, I promise (it's just so damned long I'm trying to cut it down somewhat).

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to FD that it sort of bothered me that my boss, MS, FD & the new call centre manager Mr Funny all take off for coffee, every single morning.

Now, MS, my boss & I used to take off for coffee all the time and then suddenly it was the 4 guys and I was not uninvited, but it was made perfectly clear that they prefer me not to go. When I mentioned it to FD, he saw my point but he also feels that the conversations they have when I am not there are far more free-flowing then the ones they have when I am there ("What, you can talk about all the chicks you'd like to have but never will?" "Errr... pretty much, yeah") but he did agree that it was a bit unfair to do that to me every morning.

The thing is, what really shits me is that while they are at coffee, they do also discuss work and things that impact me in my role and then they throw the details out later like an afterthought and I'm like 'WTF? I can't do that, I have to think about XYZ" or 'Umm, when was that decided? Because it's not going to work"... "Oh, at coffee" they say. ... Right, well done, fuckers - you don't want me to come to coffee so you can check out all the chicks and not feel liek I'm judging you (as if I would anyway), but you do things and make decisions that have a direct impact on me and that I really should have a voice in while you are there. Genius.

I mentioned how annoying this was and how it made me feel when they all fucked off for coffee and left me behind to MS who apologised and promised to try to involve me more.

So this morning is the first day back for my boss who has been on holidays for 4 weeks and guess what? The boys club has gone for coffee again. Did it even cross their minds that on his first day back, I might like to go to coffee and that I might have some things I want to talk to him about?

I am seriously pissed right now.

Missing!

2009-10-13T21:35:00.001-07:00

1 sense of humour

Fairly good condition (it's a little warped around the edges)

Reward offered for safe return.

The other day I sat down to write a post about something that is actually quite amusing and discovered that my sense of humour has gone AWOL.

I don't know when this happened, but somewhere along the line, I lost my zest for the randomness of life, I misplaced my sense of humour and I broke my funny bone.

If you happen to stumble across any of those things, please let me know because I would really like them back.

xoxox

In other news, I had my very first colonic irrigation today.

It was really quite interesting. The speculum going in didn't bother me and no Ange, that's not because of the anal sex thing - trust me, it felt totally different (heh) and in fact, I barely noticed it at all, and again, NOT because I am 'used to' things going in the out door, so to speak.

So anyway, it was a very interesting experince and one that I think I am going to repeat - I actually feel very perky right now - nearly bouncing off the walls in fact - and she promised me that I will feel even better tomorrow. If she is right and I do, I am absolutely going back.

It appears that a lot of it is psychological, too (I won't go into the gory details - 1 blogger *cough* Steph *cough* flying the flag for bodily functions is enough, I think! lol), so we talked a LOT during the session and she made me see some things that I hadn't realised before and I really got a lot out of it emotionally as well as the obvious physical benefits.

She should really charge more - my psych didn't get through to me so quickly and she gets paid a shitload more per hour this woman does.

Sadly, she's off overseas for 5 weeks on holidays, so I won't be able to go see her again for a little while but I will be very happy to go again when she gets back.

I don't think anyoen who knows me would be surprised to learn that the section over my liver was in an absolute state and is going to require a fair bit more work....

On A Count Of Three... 1, 2, 3-

2009-10-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

Me: (Under my breath) Mmmmm! Nom nom nom.
FD: (From behind me) Dude, did you just say 'nom nom nom' to your teapot?
Me: ... Yes, but in my defence, I love tea, I didn't realise you were there and no one was meant to hear that.
FD: Right... Happy birthday, ya weirdo.

Bird: *sings 'Happy birthday' loudly and off key* (Bird couldn't carry a tune in a bucket) Happy birthday!
Me: *laughing* Thanks!
Bird: What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Sex
Bird: *laughing* Ha, no seriously, what do you want?
Me: I am serious - I really need to get laid. It's not going to happen, but I can dream.
Bird: *thinking* My boss is still single and he liked you.
Me: No.
Bird: But-
Me: No.
Bird: No really, I think-
Me: NO. I am not doing unspeakable things with your boss. It's just wrong... He was pretty cute though.
Bird: Shall we put him on the 'only when I am really drunk and horny enough to forget that he's Bird's boss' list?
Me: I didn't even know we had a list for that, but sure, knock yourself out.
Bird: It's new.
Me: Fair enough then.

Everyone seems to be expecting me to have a melt down for my birthday, but I actually feel quite fine with it - it's just another day. I don't feel any different at all, really. I'm surprisingly unbothered by turning 31 and am actually quite chuffed that it's my birthday again. I do love birthdays - not very deep inside me there is a little girl who just loves ripping into presents and getting to be a Princess for a day. I even wore pink.

I suppose it helps that I feel like I have direction - I have some goals and am making some plans, so it's not like I am treading water and getting older - I'm actually getting somewhere, so I don't feel like it's all just a waste.

Anyway, happy birthday to me!

It's Compliment Day Again

2009-10-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and the day before that, I received random compliments from people who don't even know me - the girl in Woolies told me I had 'awesome' shoes while a random guy stopped me on the street and told me I had a beautiful smile.

Today I've also had 3 compliments (shoes, skin & smile again) from different people.

I should get out of bed late more often.

xoxox

After two years of searching, I have finally found the perfect bedside lamps that I have been looking for.

TWO YEARS.

Two years ago (actually, I think it was slightly more then that) I found these bedside lamps that were beautiful - tall, simple, graceful lines and quite plain, I loved them, but $350 each was simply ridiculous.

Since then, of course, I haven't been able to bloody find them again.

Yesterday I had to run into Adairs to pick something up for my mum and while I was idly flicking through the catalogue, I saw them! In the background of a picture! OMG!

They don't have them in stock, but they were able to order them for me and best of all, they are only $120 each! Score!

The price reduction balances out the two years of frustrated searching. I think.

xoxox

Saturday night was my fathers 70th birthday party, which turned out really well.

Everyone loved the food, which was handy as we stuffed them to capacity and then some. Mum was banned from the kitchen for the night and my brother in law made it his mission to get her drunk; not hard as mum is a Cadburys girl, but more difficult then you'd think, simply because of that - mum is very aware of her low tolerance for alcohol so is quite wiley at avoiding it....My brother in law won that Pepsi challenge though, not that there was ever any doubt - he's a persistent little bugger. My mother is hands down hilarious when she's had a couple of drinks - she doesn't get out of control or anything and people who don't know her very well don't even realise that she is, but for those of us who know her intimately, the signs stand out like neon lights. My mum isn't a loud person (except when she's yelling at one of us kids or dad, but that's another story), generally, she is fairly quiet and reserved, but on Saturday night, she was loud and her filter was slipping - she was saying all sorts of things that electric shock therapy wouldn't normally drag out of her. Too funny.

The party started at 5pm and at 6.30pm my brother walked into the kitchen and told us he was feeling no pain - he was on his 6th scotch and all was well, so far as he was concerned. My brother drinks but rarely gets drunk and as his eyes were already going funny, my sister and I were in stitches.

Dad was just cruising around. My dad is so chilled out. He had a great night.

I spent most of the night in the kitchen with my sister (Mel) & sister in law (Blonde Bimbo). Bimbo doesn't drink, but Mel & I do and the only way to get through the night was drunk, so far as we were concerned... She was on bourbon & I was on champers and by gum we gave it a good nudge. The best bit is that unlike most people who just think they are funnier when they're drunk, my sister and I really are (no, really, we've watched footage). A couple of mum & dad's friends was sitting there watching us and was wildly entertained by our antics. She thought the 3 of us were hysterically funny and thought it was even funnier when I assured her that no, actually, we were simply hysterical.

Unfortunately, there were slight issues with the chocolate fountain... Well, the melting of the chocolate for the fountain, actually - we were using good chocolate, but we were worried, nonetheless... I told Mel that we needed to put olive oil in the chocolate to make sure it ran smoothly (as per Ange's instructions) but she was horrified at the idea and ignored me and used cream instead.

Sigh.

Let's just say it was a fuck up of monumental proportions and we nearly didn't have a chocolate fountain at all, however, did you know that a little water and a lot of alcohol will save chocolate that has been melted and then fucked up? It's true, it does. Remember that - it might come in handy some time.

Anyway, it all worked out and thankfully the wind died a little just as we finished putting the fountain on (some of the chocolate did blow all over the table) so that was good. The guests descended on the table like a swarm of locusts and had the table picked clean before I even had a chance to get a chocolate mousse for myself (lucky I kept 2 back as spares, eh?), if there's one thing I totally rock at, its desserts. I don't care if there was not one iota of modesty in that statement - it's true, I am fucking awesome with anything that involves sugar, cream, chocolate or all of the above.

Dad's birthday cake turned out perfectly, too. I made the Superman 'S' for his cake - there was a lot of swearing involved in getting the red 's' (made with plastic icing - thank you Executive Chef) onto the cake but it was perfect. I rock, yes I do.

So all in all, it was a great night. My feet were so sore by the end of it that I couldn't bear to walk on them and somewhere along the line, I hurt my shoulder again, but it was well worth it.

Best of all, Bimbo is totally obsessive about cleaning as she goes, so the kitchen didn't look like a bomb site at the end of the night!

I haven't had much to say lately.

2009-09-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I've been trying to arrange some stuff with Marketing and an external provider. The external provider, however is simply woeful - won't return calls, doesn't action emails etc etc. He's just crap. I've taken to calling him Igor (even though that is clearly not him name), simply because he comes across as an 'Igor' (my apologies to any perfectly nice, very intelligent Igors out there - the fact that you have become those things in spite of the handicap of you name is a testament to you).

Anyway, he finally emailed back with a whole host of retarded questions that I had answered previously but I very patiently sat down and wrote an email back, addressing each of his questions and using small words in addition to diagrams in order to make sure that he understood exactly what I want. Part of that was saying 'insert attached logo 'A' at point X, insert attached logo 'B' at point Y, insert the following text in this font, this size, at point Z'.

I read back over it, made sure I hadn’t used any complex words etc and then hit send... Forgetting, of course, to actually attach the fucking logos.

Sigh

The colleague in Sydney that has been working on this project with me has dubbed it an 'Igor Moment' and such brain fades shall forever more be known to us as such.

xoxox

Optus are complete fuckers.

That's about all I have to say about them.

Ange, however, will be happy as my iphone is probably never going to happen at this rate.

xoxox

Thursday night was a good gymnastics class - very fun, in spite of the running, jumping, asthma problems caused by running through the pit, overdose of asthma medication and resulting desire to either throw up or pass out etc etc etc.

We were working on tumbling which I really quite enjoyed (hurrah! Something I can do!) and watching Sporty Solicitor run was entertaining in itself (she just looks so cute! I look like a retard when I run).

xoxox

My father turns 70 this year which is rather is exciting. The party is this Saturday so for the last 2 weekends, we've been busy prepping. It should be a rather good night though.

xoxox

I did, however, make macaroons (with raspberry & white chocolate filling) last night and they turned out beautifully. It's the first time I have ever made them and they're supposed to be quite easy to stuff up, so that was rather nice that they all worked out, especially since I was using a recipe from Vogue Entertaining that I had scrawled (half of) onto the back of a receipt (and had to guess the rest).

Hurrah for me!

xoxox

HOLY CRAP

2009-09-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

If THIS doesn't scare the shit out of you, nothing will.

I really didn't need to see that at this hour of the morning.

Jebus.

Monday Already?

2009-09-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

xoxox

Bird recently asked me if I was 'looking' (for a boyfriend)... (wait - am I getting too old to call them that now?) and what I was doing about meeting someone new. I was sort of like 'Ummm... no, not really'

Thinking about it later, I realised that this was a different 'not really' to my normal 'not really'

For some time (years) I suspected that I had no business being in a relationship with anyone - I had too much that I needed to do for myself before I could think about doing anything for anyone else but I ignored my own judgement and look at the results... Lesson learned....

Right now, I'm doing things for me - I'm doing the things that I need and I really don't want to stop doing that by getting all distracted with someone else's needs. I'm really happy right now and I don't want to change my state right at this moment in time.

xoxox

So, I have suddenly decided that I want to buy a place of my own.

Typical.

After years of drifting (and being quite happy doing so) and being utterly determined not to put down roots and to be free, I have decided that I want a place of my own - somewhere that if I wanted to paint the walls purple with pink polka dots, I can (not that I would - how hideous, I'm a firm believer in neutrals in the home). This calls for a change of focus.

Of course, being me, I want this NOW, but I shall have to learn patience, it seems.

xoxox

Sometimes it really freaks me out how quickly the weekends go.

Then I stop and think about how quickly the years go.

Freaky stuff.

xoxox

Some Days I Really Do Fucking Despair

2009-09-16T18:15:00.000-07:00

I believe in asking the big questions - why does every shade of yellow look like crap on me? Why DO I like shoes so much? Why am I constantly surrounded by fuckwits who lack the ability to think through an action? Why can't everyone be as totally awesome as I am? Etc etc.

It's not even 10.30am and yet I have already been exposed to a particularly obnoxious form of idiocy. Ye Gods and little fishes.

xoxox

No email with a subject line of 'Hey love, do you have an hour to discuss a call?' ever bodes well. In fact, it usually means that by the time I've listened to the call, I'm going to want to kill the consultant responsible.

In this case, not only did QA bring mud cake to help sedate me (which made warning bells go off if they weren't before that), I actually had to stop the recording - TWICE - and walk out of the room because it was too excruciating to listen to.

I then had to listen to the follow up call that another consultant had to take, where they had no idea of what the previous person had done and said. That was even more painful for me to listen to, because knowing how the last person had stuffed up, I knew exactly what was about to happen. It's kind of like watching someone walking along train tracks with their ipod on - you can see the train coming but you can't warn them and then the train hits....

Maybe I should shave my head, become a Buddhist monk and take a vow of seclusion, I don't think I'm cut out for this 'dealing with people' crap.

On the other hand, I don't think I'm cut out for poverty, either.

xoxox

On the plus side, I have gymnastics again tonight, which I am looking forward to.

xoxox

I am planning to join the sad brigade of people who have an iphone.

I don't want it for a status symbol or a substitution for anything - I don't even want it because I think it makes me cooler then all the other kids in the playground. I just want it because it has an application that sounds like a lightsabre.

Shut up - it is so the coolest thing ever!

Thoughts For Today

2009-09-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

I sent VBM the following email:

You know, I was in such a good mood this morning but in the space of 2 seconds, I am now so fucking, unrelentingly furious that all I really want to do is smash someones fucking head in. I need to draw blood. Or bite. Or both. I just NEED to inflict pain on someone right now while they give it back to me and the necessity of controlling myself at work is killing me.

After I hit 'send' a few things crossed my mind -

1) It is telling that he is the only person who I would send that email to. I don't think any of my other friends would quite know how to respond to that email, were they to receive it. Some of them would probably be a little freaked out but I sent it to him because I know he will understand.

2) I think you need to have a seriously fucked up part of your brain to need to give and receive pain the way that I sometimes do. When giving and receiving physical pain soothes you, you probably have some issues.

3) But what is it about the giving and receiving of pain that makes me feel better when I am like this? Why does absorbing the pain and brutality and turning it back on another person soothe me?

Whoa

2009-09-07T04:52:00.001-07:00

Remember I went & watched Organic Girl & MILF compete at the MPDQ a few weeks ago? Well I finally got some pics back and Organic Girl just looked incredible.

Her routine was based around her being a mermaid and I have to say, she nailed it, 100%.

Amazing, amazing woman.

And with a stomach like that, it's hard to believe she's had 2 children!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2009-09-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I paid out my ANZ card and shut it down. The sense of relief, success and pure happiness was pretty damn awesome.

1 down, 2 to go....

Yeah me!!!!!!!!

xoxox

Things I Have Noticed In The Last Two Months:

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

My head space is the place to be. I haven't felt this good in years. YEARS I tell you! I feel so free that it actually kind of blows my mind a little.

The money thing is coming to me much easier. I'm actually starting to get on top of this shit. I'm even getting to grips with the idea of having a budget and (trying) to stick to it.

I'm making plans. Long, medium and short term plans. And I'm making them for me. It's been a very long time since I felt positive enough about the future to want to look ahead.

I have massive amounts of new hair growth coming through and my hair is growing super fast. This may or may not be related to the reduction in my stress levels. I suspect it is.

If I do eat a huge amount of wheat, dairy and sugar laden foods, I will get a massive rush which is kind of cool. Until of course, I crash and then I feel suicidal for a couple of days. Yet another reason to avoid wheat, dairy & sugar.

xoxox

Whatever Gets You Through The Day

2009-08-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

MS: Wow, your hair is getting really long!
Me: Yeah, it's getting there.
MS: How much longer do you want it?
Me: *shrugging* I dunno, to my waist or maybe my hips.
MS: *measuring* That's a lot of hair!
Me: Mmm, there used to be a lot more of it until it all started falling out.
MS: Yeah, but it's all growing back now, that's good.
Me: Indeed
MS: So, what happens if I pull it? Will it fall out? *picks up a handful of my hair and pulls it*
Me: *turning around to face him* Dude! You ever fucking pull my hair again and it better be while you're slapping my ass and telling me to call your name!
MS: *jaw drops* I can't believe you just said that, that's fucking hilarious! Can I ask- *pauses, thinks better of it* actually no, better not.
Me: Sometimes it's best not to ask for clarification on these things.
TB: *peering round the corner from his office* Why do I employ you two again?
Me: For the randomness.

xoxox

Soooo.... last night Ange & I had another gymnastics class which went quite well - assuming of course you don't count the fact that when Ange went to do her first backflip of the night, she landed on her head, which was totally not her fault as the guy helping us this time was a muppet. Apart from that though, it was fun - Ange & Sporty Solicitor tried to roll / push me off one of the squishy mattress thingies but I pushed them off instead, at which point Ange grabbed my foot and started trying to pull me down to the ground. That didn't work either and at teh risk of giving her ammunition, all she really had to do to win was tickle the foot she had hold of and I would have squealed like a girl and rolled off the mattress to make it stop. But anyway. Afterwards, Ange & I swung by her house and then she drove me to the train station.

I can't believe I am about to blog this but it's too good not to blog about.

So it's nearly 9pm and we're driving along - or if you want to be pedantic about it, Ange is driving and I'm in the passenger seat. Ange had the windows down because, quite frankly, we were both convinced that we smelled. Having the windows down always makes me nervous - anytime I put a window down, I end up with creatures of some sort (other then men, I mean) in the car - I've had huntsman spiders, flying cockroaches, mozzies, moths & butterflies and as I both hate and fear any insectoid type creature - with the possible exception of butterflies, although I still don't want them anywhere near me - I was a bit paranoid.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, this massive black thing flew into me and landed on my arm, at which point I let out a delicate and ladylike 'ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and started frantically trying to climb out the car window to escape. Because I've freaked out, Ange has immediately freaked out and shrieked (sorry Ange - there's no other description that fits) 'What is it? What's wrong?!' My only response was (also shrieked) "AAAAAARGHHHHHH! It's an insect! Get it off me!!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!" as I frantically tried to escape the flesh eating monster that was currently attacking me to weaken my defences so that it could eat my brain (assuming, of course, that I have one..).

Ange is swerving all over the road at this point starting to sound a little stressed, yelling 'Where is it?! What is it?!" And I'm yelling back "I don't know!!! Just get it away from meeeeeeee!' Ange pulled over to the side of the road (which was lucky as I already had my hand on the door handle) and I was out of that car so fast it made concord seem slow. Ange wasn't far behind me and as I danced on the side of the road frantically brushing at myself to make sure it wasn't still on me, Ange did a little jig and a spin so I could make sure it hadn't crawled onto her.

"What was it?" she asked, once we were both capable of rational speech. "I don't know, but it was fucking massive" I replied, still feeling a tad hysterical and shuddering.

We opened up the car doors to investigate where this freakishly large denizen of hell had hidden itself while it waited for our vigilance to lapse, so that it might crawl back out and finish the job of killing us. I was gingerly yet frantically (try to do that sometime, it's not easy I tell you!) - checking my handbag to make sure that it hadn't crawled in there (was I the target? or was it really aiming for Ange but it missed and flew into me?) and Ange was freaking out because there was no way in hell either of us was hopping back in that car until the creature was gone.

More fearful searching ensued (much to the entertainment of anyone nearby who might have been watching us, I'm sure) and just as we were wondering what on earth we were going to do, the malevolent creature was uncovered....

The evil brain eating insect from hell had disguised itself as a sunglass holder that had fallen off the sun visor....

Or, maybe it really was one all along and I'm just paranoid....

Shuddup.

xoxox

Hmmm....

2009-08-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

Me: Yeah, so I moved out a couple of weeks ago.
Centre Consultant: How come?
Me: Ummm... mainly I just got sick of living with a black hole of happiness.
CC: Heh. Yeah that would do it. That probably explains why you've been so much happier lately.
Me: *looking at him quizzically*
CC: You've been smiling a lot in the last week or so and it's been great. We haven't seen you smile like that in ages. Not to mention you didn't even yell at me when you caught me doing dodgy stuff Gigs - that's a huge change!
Me: *thinking* You know, I've even been swearing less. Much less, actually...Well, except for at MS & The Boss, I still tell them to fuck off 10 times a day but if they didn't spend so much time giving me shit I'm sure that would have reduced too.

All in all, life is good.

xoxox

Tuesday night was our second gymnastics class and it was fun! So far Ange & I have done a little trampoline stuff (jumping into the square foam filled pit was the best part!) and learned to do (assisted) back flips... Maybe tonight we might even progress to doing those back flips on our own, but we'll see how we go (baby steps!)...

All in all, I think the gymnastics classes were one of my better ideas. Certainly one of the more fun ones!

The fact that most of the instructors are kind of cute doesn't hurt either....

xoxox

Sometimes, it all just goes right.

There is nothing extraordinarily awesome happening in my life right now, but there is nothing even averagely wrong happening, either.

Life just keeps getting better.

Dear God

2009-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not supposed to eat them because of the dairy and wheat and.. well, they're just plain bad for you, really. But Maxibon icecreams may just be the single most awesome icecream bar ever.

EVER.

I stand by that call no matter what anyone else says.

I have added them onto the list (right behind cinnamon, shoes & small children) of everything that is good in this world.

Because Sometimes 'Silly' And 'Fun' Are Interchangeable.

2009-08-19T15:44:00.000-07:00

MS: So, do you want old school today or new music?
Me: Hmmm...old school.
MS: Old school it is.

(sometime later)

Me: Is that 'Higher State of Consciousness' by Wink?
MS: As a matter of fact it is.
Me: Wow, I remember this song. I can't tell you about it at work, but I remember this song very well.
MS: Heh. Me too.

*both listen to song in silence for a moment*

MS: Ok, now that bit is really annoying
Me: Ah, yeah.
MS: Oh my god, we're getting old
Me: *laughing* Yeah, once upon a time, this is the point at which the dance floor went off

*MS jumps up out of his chair and pretends to start raving, circa 1996*

Me: *laughing* Yeah, that looks pretty familiar - we're just missing the pretty lights and water bottles
MS: *grabs me out of my seat and drags me to my feet, gesturing to join in*
Me: *still laughing* Ah fuck it - why not. *Starts dancing with hands in the air*

*MS & I are pissing ourselves laughing as MS tosses me a water bottle*

*Our boss walks out of his office and stops dead, looking at us*

TB: What the hell are you two lunatics doing?
Me: *still dancing* Ummm....Partying like its 1996?
MS: Aww c'mon you old codger - join in
TB: *looks around to make sure no one can see in the office then runs around the divider and starts dancing as we all crack up laughing again*

*song finishes*

TB: Right, back to work you lot *walks back into his office*

Inspirational

2009-08-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the state finals for Miss Pole Dance Aust and two of my friends made it through.

Organic Girl & MILF took first place in the doubles event as well as 1st & 3rd in the individual. What makes this even more amazing is that MILF had done major damage to her left shoulder and wrist about a month ago, so she hasn't been able to practice and even on the night, she wasn't sure if she was going to go ahead and compete, as she was in so much pain. Thanks to the wonders of painkillers and serious strapping, she managed to ignore Dr's orders (and our resident physio) to push through the pain to compete and it - thankfully - paid off!

She now has 3 months to come up with a routine for nationals - not so easy when you can't actually raise your arm or rotate your shoulder...

It was also the first time I have seen the girls in a while and it was brilliant to catch up with them - I hadn't realised how much I have missed them, but once we were all together, we suddenly realised and immediately started planning a catch up.

Sporty Solicitor and I have also decided to fly to Sydney to attend the finals and cheer the girls on and as that is the weekend after my birthday, it's going to be my birthday present to myself. Sadly, the finals weekend is also the weekend that VBM gets married (LMAO) so I won't be able to make a real trip of it as I have to be back in time for the wedding on Sunday (there is NO WAY I am missing that).

Saturday night reminded me of why I love pole so much - it's not just the strength, flexibility and expression. I started pole dancing when I was at my lowest point - I was struggling to drag myself from bed each morning, I was barely getting through each day and spent most of my time in tears. Pole started as a form of exercise that didn't involve a gym and a way to force myself to leave the house when all I really wanted was to curl up and die. What it became was a lifesaver - it accomplished it's purpose for health purposes (I lost a little weight and gained a whole lot of endorphins) but it also gave me a new circle of friends who I know I can count on, as well as belief in myself, the reminder that good things are worth working for, that I can do things that seem impossible if I set my mind to it and it taught me to trust my own strength in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

There's more, but I can't even begin to explain everything that pole has done for me, all I know is that it has given me far more then I think anyone or anything has ever given me before (with the exception of my family, of course).

I was talking to the Dainty Doll during intermission on Saturday night and she asked me how my joint problem was going (the reason I dropped out again) and I confirmed that I am all good now - that it was due to wheat and so long as I avoid wheat, I don't have any problems. She immediately asked when I was coming back. I wasn't sure then, but I have had a little time to think about it and the answer is now.

Iiiiiiit's Friday!

2009-08-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

I was feeling a bit narky yesterday and I really don't know why.

I was in a really good mood when I rolled out of bed in the morning, I was fine all the way into work, I was fine sorting through emails and while running the reports, but then, for some reason, I became just a bit irritable - to the point where I really wanted to bite something.

Odd.

I do feel much better today though, inspite of the fact that it's The Workhorse's last day, which is very sad. I'm going to miss her tremendously, and not just because now I'm going to be outnumbered.

xoxox

Standing at the counter at Witchery:

Sales Girl: Would you like to donate $2 to breast or ovarian cancer research?
Me: Oh sure.
Sales Girl: Which one?
Me: What?
Sales Girl: Breast or ovarian cancer - you get to choose.
Me: Oh, umm, breast cancer, thanks.
Sales Girl: Do you mind if I ask why? I always like to ask why people chose the one they did, sometimes it's really interesting.
Me: Well ovaries are over-rated really, aren't they? No one ever yells out 'Nice ovaries!' as you're walking down the street, but breasts - everyone likes breasts.
Sales Girl: *pausing as she wraps my shirt in tissue paper* That may just be the best answer I've ever been given to that question. *laughs*
Me: Thanks, I'm here all week, don't forget to try the buffet.
Sales Girl: *laughs again*
VTG: *grinning* You're funny, Giggles.
Me: Yes, in the head.

xoxox

I'm thinking of cutting my hair off into a long bob and turning it blonde.

The only thing that is stopping me is that I KNOW that I will love it for the first 3 months and then I will want it long and dark again.

But if I don't do it, it's going to drive me nuts.

Damnit.

It's All Good

2009-08-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...

I got a fairly random email from one of the IT guys yesterday but I responded to it anyway (it was a chatty kind of email, not a weird kind of email, although the very fact that he was sending me an email in the first place was weird, if you know what I mean) and in my email, I asked what prompted one of the questions that he had asked - thinking I was going to get some innocuous, chatty answer back. Instead I got 'cause I want to get to know you better, so I was... curious... sorry if that's too intrusive...'

I wondered if I was being a little too quick to jump to conclusions, so I asked MS to read the email chain from the bottom up and as soon as he finished, he started singing 'Giggles has an admirer, Giggles has a boyfriend, Giggles has a stalker!' at which point I guessed that I probably was interpreting that correctly... Then of course my boss wanted to know what was going on, so HE leant over my shoulder to read the email chain and he started giving me shit too ("I dunno Giggles - some of those IT boys earn good money, he might even be able to afford to keep you!" "Ahhh, fuck off" cue laughter from MS & our boss)

I still haven't responded as I really don't know what to say. Is that rude? I think not replying at all is rude but I really don't know if MS and I are both wrong or not and therefore, what do I do? Ignore that bit completely? Try tactfully to say I'm not interested in getting to know him? The dilemma! I'm not even mildly interested (his eyes kind of freak me out and as I'm an eyes girl, it's the kiss of death) and I'm stuck on a suitably innocuous way to get that across.

I can't even casually drop the old 'my boyfriend says/did/thinks' line as everyone here knows I am single.

What to do, what to do...

xoxox

It's amazing what flatmate inspired stress, running up and down stairs and lifting heavy things will do for you - I lost 3kgs in a week!

xoxox

Bird is pregnant. Considering that she has 1/4 of one ovary and 1/3 of the other (the rest were removed due to tumours when we were in high school) and HOB only has 1 ball (lost the other to cancer at 25), it's something of a miracle.

Back when Bird had to have all those operations, she was told that her chances of conceiving at all, let alone naturally, was remarkably slim - almost impossible, which was incredibly difficult for her to process and caused her a great deal of anguish both then and over the following years.

As women, our bodies are designed to bear children and she struggled with what was essentially (to her) a betrayal of her body that left it unable to do what it was designed for. So even though they tried to fall pregnant the old fashioned way, Bird was convinced that they were going to have to adopt.

I am of course, thrilled to bits for them - it's so amazing that she has beaten not only her personal odds but her husbands as well and having sat there many times over the years and taken on her pain at the thought that she may never have a biological child of her own, I am so happy that this has happened for them. I am, of course, already looking for presents.

I am also honest enough to admit that I also felt the slightest twinge of envy.

xoxox

Thank Goodness That's Over.

2009-08-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Tuesday at work Belle was sending vicious emails. I started to get a little irritated and allowed it to show, so she sent me an email saying 'Giggles, don't get snappy with me. I don't appreciate your attitude and I don't deserve it' (It went on for quite some time in the same vein - poor Belle, she's so misunderstood!) So I sent her back an email addressing the other stuff we were sorting out and then finished with 'As for attitude... it's probably escaped your notice Belle but believe it or not, you are not the only angry person living in that house at the moment, the difference is that I know that in a week, none of this will matter anymore and I try to keep that in mind every time I am forced to deal with you. I see no need for this to become deeply unpleasant. Within a week I will have collected that last of my mail, our bond will be sorted out, we will have finalised monies owing for electricity/insurance/whatever and then we never need to speak to each other again. We just have to get through these last few days and it's over."

She didn't reply.

That afternoon, I arranged to go to dinner with FD & VTG so that I wouldn't be at home until after she had gone out (she has salsa classes on Tues nights), then got home in time to pack up some more stuff for my father to collect after his Rotary meeting, loaded up my car and then drove up to my parents place for the night (mainly so that my dad wouldn't have to unload everything by himself). Wed I arrived at teh unit at about 11 and started cleaning, my parents arrived at about 3 and started loading the last of my stuff into the trailer while I finished painting over little chips in the paint or marks on the walls.

Thursday morning, I was cleaning in the house again while my dad cleaned the garage for me and my parents left just before the real estate came around for the inspection. We passed with flying colours - she was blown away and kept exclaiming over what a great job I had done cleaning the place, which was rather nice.

Proof that I am not totally evil: I had used the kitchen cloth when I was sugar soaping the walls and then used it to clean my bathroom on the Wednesday. When I left Wednesday night, I had left it in the laundry sink (Belle had a load of clothes soaking so I couldn't wash the tea towels/kitchen cloths etc) but Belle washed it that night and hung it out to dry. I was seriously tempted to leave it and amuse myself with the notion that she was using a kitchen cloth that I had used to clean my bathroom, but in the end, I couldn't do it, so I threw it out. /sigh.... It would have been amusing in a sick, twisted kind of way though - she's as much of a germaphobe as I am and no matter how much bleach and other cleaning products that cloth was exposed to, it doesn't alter that fact that I wiped my toilet with it.

Anyway, it's all over now - everything has been finalised and I have deleted her number from my phone so it's all good! Friday I spent most of the day trying to organise stuff at mum & dad's (try compressing two households into one and see how that works for you) so I was exhausted enough to fall into bed by 8.30 pm.

I'm free!!!!!

xoxox

Somewhere in amongst all that, I did manage to find time to fit in a little light shopping- What? Do I not deserve a 'Hurrah I am free and I didn't even kill her!' present? Yes, yes I do. So there.

I bought a dress. It's really very pretty and will be perfect for VBM's wedding (which I think I lost the invitation to, while I was moving... is it bad form to ask for another one?)

xoxox

Saturday night was Ariel’s farewell. Her boyfriend has moved to Melbourne for work, so she is moving down there as well. It's really very sad, but the gang turned out in force to say goodbye.

It was an absolutely hilarious night - if somewhat more sober then we're used to... No one got naked, anyway. That's a start.

There was another girl there who looked vaguely familiar, all of us were trying to work out which parties we might have seen her at before and in the end, we decided that she must be one of Ariel’s cousins as she looked about 21. Not too long afterwards, she and Ariel came over to talk and we discovered that it was actually her little sister. Who we all met when she was 8. And she's now 16, not 21.

For the very first time, I felt old. It was made better by the fact that everyone else standing there with their jaws on the ground felt old too. Then we all went and got another drink and it was ok.

xoxox

Counting To Ten

2009-08-03T16:07:00.000-07:00

You know, I am not generally regarded as a patient person. In certain circumstances, I have almost super-human patience but most of the time.... well.... yeah.

Throughout this whole moving saga, I have displayed unparalleled patience. I have endured - with more grace then I thought possible - Belle's abuse, snide comments, sudden mood swings where she acts like we're best friends and starts talking to me about her family (and how they have no respect for her), her work (where everyone hates her and is trying to get her sent to another dept - which I fully believe) and assorted other dramas. I have ignored the petty carping and her accusations that I am 'abandoning' her by moving out with 'almost no notice' but the one thing that actually drew a response was her accusation that I was 'deceitful'....

Now, I am many things and I am prepared to put my hand up and own that I can be by turns selfish, thoughtless, careless, bitchy, mean, nasty, cruel and a whole host of other things in addition to 'impatient'. But numbered in amongst my many faults are that I tend to be what my brother in law calls 'a straight shooter' - I believe this is a polite way of saying that I don't pull my punches and lack subtlety. So when she threw that one out, I actually rose up off the couch and spun round to face her in preparation to engage.

As I looked at her, I thought to myself, realistically, none of this is going to matter in a week, month, year. I don't care what she thinks - her opinion is nothing to me and if she can convince herself that I am all of these things that she has been calling me, then it will help validate her intrinsic martyr complex and victim mentality - and I always like to give people what they want.

What can I say? I'm a people pleaser.

All of this flashed through my mind as my mouth opened and so the words that came out of my mouth weren't the ones that would have left it only 5 seconds earlier and they certainly weren't the ones she was expecting.

As I looked at her, I smiled and said 'Yes, absolutely, because that's how I roll" and then I put my plate in the dishwasher and walked into my room closing the door behind me so I didn't have to look at her still standing there, mouth agape.

There is one day and an administration fee standing between me and freedom. Once we have sorted out the final bills etc, I am cancelling my old phone, getting a new number (I'm going to buy a new phone sometime over the next couple of days) and blocking her email addresses from my work and personal email accounts and then I will never have to deal with her again. Of course, that doesn't stop me pondering if I could make a case for justifiable homicide, but- ... What?

I never said I was a fucking saint.

Bite Sized Pieces

2009-07-28T20:53:00.000-07:00

Possibly The Stupidest Person In The World.

Consultant: And what was your policy number?
Customer: 'H' for Horace, 'Q' for cucumber-
Consultant: I'm sorry, what?
Customer: 'Q' for cucumber
Consultant: .... 'Q' for cucumber?
Customer: Yes
Consultant: (line goes quiet for a moment as they use their mute button) Ok, thank you and the rest of the policy number?
Customer: (reads out the rest of the policy number)
Consultant: Ok, great, thanks very much for that, do you mind if I place you on hold for just one moment?
Customer: No, that's fine.
Consultant: Thank you. (Places customer on hold. Proceeds to collapse with laughter and share the story with other consultants, finally regains control and goes back to the member and finishes the call).

xoxox

Last weekend was a family weekend for my mothers birthday. By the end of it, I was exhausted, ill (from eating wheat and dairy) and really looking forward to some silence.

It was, however, tremendous fun.

My sister & her family came up from the coast, my brother and his family came round (they even let Kitten stay overnight so she could spend more time with her cousins) and mum had made everyones favourite desserts.

By the time my brother arrived, my sister and I had worked our way through a bottle of champers each and my mother had even had a glass so she was smashed. My brother in law was on the bourbon and then my brother & father hit the scotch.

By the time we went to bed that night, my cheeks and my stomach were hurting from laughing so hard and for so long.

It was an absolutely brilliant weekend and my nieces were in heaven too.

xoxox

I am definitely moving out by next weekend, this means that I have rather a lot of things to do between now & then. My sister wanted me to come down the coast this weekend and go out overnight on the boat with them, but I really can't see how it's going to fit in.

I definitely don't have time to look for a place between now & then, so I am going to move home to my parents place until I find somewhere I like. I am determined to live by myself this time - I am sick of having a flatmate, I want to be able to come home and know that things are how I left them - that someone else hasn't left toast crumbs all over the benches (god that drives me mental) that they haven't taken my clothes off the line while still damp, that I am not going to have to listen to them whinge every fucking night about how horrible their life is and that there won't be a fucking exercise bike and fitball sitting in the middle of the living room constantly because they are too damn lazy to put it back where it belongs.

It's also going to give me the opportunity to pay off a great big chunk of my debt, which is nice. Of course, it also means I am going to be living with my parents... We get along well, but it's been a while since I lived under their roof.... We'll see how this goes....

xoxox

My sister has started sending me links to units for sale on the Coast (so I will be closer to her). I pointed out that I cannot afford to pay a home loan by myself and there is no one I would want to share with who is in a position to do so. She said she spoke to her husband and he offered to give me an interest free loan from his trust fund, to be paid back when / if I sell the place. I am not convinced that's a good idea - if I take that up, I'm going to feel obligated and I don't really want that. Mind you, his mother holds the purse strings, so he's got to get it past her before it even becomes an issue, but still....

Sometimes I realise that they live on a completely different planet to the rest of us.

xoxox

Friends

2009-07-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

The Banker turned 30 the same day that my brother had his birthday party, so there was no way I was going to be able to go, but we spoke briefly and arranged to talk last Sunday evening (taking Masterchef into consideration, of course)....

He made the ultimate sacrifice for his birthday - we ended up on the phone for nearly 2 hours… Greater love no man can show - The Banker despises talking for too long on the phone almost as much as he hates long emails (which makes it kind of amazing that we're friends) - his motto is 'Why use 5 words when 1 will do?"

The Banker and I are what you would call 'foul weather friends'. Everyone has 'fair weather friends' - the people who disappear (faster then personal dignity on reality tv) when things aren't going so well but pop up again when everything is going ok. The Banker and I, on the other hand, keep in touch sporadically when everything is going well (we didn't actually speak on the phone or face to face for over 2 years once - just kept in touch via sporadic emails) but the second that one of us hits a bumpy bit in the road, we are in constant contact offering support and encouragement until it's all going well again.

The Banker has recently hit a little trouble in the road.

It's interesting to see the different cornerstones of your different relationships - with VBM, it's less about the fact that in many ways we are alike and more about our absolute refusal to judge each other. With Bird, it's history, shared humour and the knowledge that our strengths & weaknesses complement each other perfectly. With The Banker, it's our ability to give each other a new perspective on anything that's happening in our lives. No matter what teh situation, I know that The Banker will know what the important questions are and that he will always have an interesting (and sometimes far too logical) perspective to offer on the answer.

Just before we hung up, he asked me if I remembered the email he sent me around Christmas time a couple of years ago after he'd been through a particularly bad patch. I thought about it for a moment and then I remembered it and repeated it back to him. I could hear the smile in his voice as he told me that he still meant every word of it.

Bless the boy.

xoxox

Choosing To Turn The Corner

2009-07-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently insisted that I absolutely must read the book 'Eat Pray Love.' I normally avoid the 'one woman's journey' type but Odette was insistent and to prove her point, she sent me the following excerpt. Of course, in doing so, she totally removed my need to read the book...

An excerpt: A conversation between Richard and Elizabeth aka 'Groceries' (because she loves food. Lol - I can relate!)

"What's got you all wadded?" he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.
"Don't ask," I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, "And worst of all, I can't stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it's all coming up again."
He says, "Give it another six months, you'll feel better."
"I've already given it twelve months, Richard."
"Then give it six more. Just keep throwin' six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time"
I exhale hotly through my nose, bull-like.
"Groceries," Richard says, "listen to me. Someday you're gonna look back at this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India."
"But I really loved him"
"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got ZAPPED, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You got just a taste of love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love. Don't laugh"
"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed that David was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah, too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart from your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so a new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life"
"But I love him."
"So love him."
"But I miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of him because then you'll be alone. But here's what you gotta understand, if you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a DOORWAY. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in and fill it with so much love, more than you ever dreamed of. Let it go."
"But I wish me and David could ... "
He cuts me off. "See, now there's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

Sometimes the most random things have the greatest effect.